March 2005 Archives

This link made me shudder.

However, these propagandists aren't just targeting the young. Take for example Apple Computers, makers of the popular Macintosh line of computers. The real operating system hiding under the newest version of the Macintosh operating system (MacOS X) is called... Darwin! That's right, new Macs are based on Darwinism! While they currently don't advertise this fact to consumers, it is well known among the computer elite, who are mostly Atheists and Pagans. Furthermore, the Darwin OS is released under an "Open Source" license, which is just another name for Communism. They try to hide all of this under a facade of shiny, "lickable" buttons, but the truth has finally come out: Apple Computers promote Godless Darwinism and Communism.

But is this really such a shock? Lets look for a moment at Apple Computers. Founded by long haired hippies, this company has consistently supported 60's counter-cultural "values"2. But there are even darker undertones to this company than most are aware of. Consider the name of the company and its logo: an apple with a bite taken out of it. This is clearly a reference to the Fall, when Adam and Eve were tempted with an apple3 by the serpent. It is now Apple Computers offering us temptation, thereby aligning themselves with the forces of darkness4.

This company is well known for its cult-like following. It isn't much of a stretch to say that it is a cult. Consider co-founder and leader Steve Jobs' constant exhortation through advertising (i.e. mind control) that its followers should "think different". We have to ask ourselves: "think different than whom or what?" The disturbing answer is that they want us to think different than our Christian upbringing, to reject all the values that we have been taught and to heed not the message of the Lord Jesus Christ!

Given the now obvious anti-Christian and cultish nature of Apple Computers, is it any wonder that they have decided to base their newest operating system on Darwinism? This just reaffirms the position that Darwinism is an inherently anti-Christian philosophy spread through propaganda and subliminal trickery, not a science as its brainwashed followers would have us believe.

...

Another reader (it has been busy today!) has informed me of another link between Apple and the forces of darkness that my initial research missed. Apparently the Darwin OS is not the original creation of Apple Computers but is instead based off of an older, obsolete OS called "BSD Unix". The child-indoctrinatingly-cute cartoon mascot of this OS is a devil holding a pitchfork (pictured right). This OS -- and its Darwin offspring -- extensively use what are called "daemons" (which is how Pagans write "demon" -- they are notoriously poor spellers: magick, vampyre, etc.) which is a program that hides in the background, doing things without the user's notice. If you are using a new Macintosh running OS X then you probably have these "daemons" on your computer, hardly something a good Christian would want! This clearly illustrates that not only is Macintosh based on Darwinism, but Darwinism is based on Satanism.

things-and-stuff/aau

I signed up for OKCupid, mainly out of boredom. Normally, I'd consider that the typical excuse everyone uses, but it was so bad I was contemplating the weave in the carpet at work. I joined so I could "network with my friends", but then I realized only two of my friends suck enough to go on okcupid. That's ok. maybe I can make more. That's the point of the site, right? *smirk*

So I worked on creating a profile that was both filled with hate, somewhat bitter, and just the right mix to discourage idiots.

FreeBSDGirl 23/f, bisexual. 5' 6" (1.67m). Seeing Someone. Last login: Today

We have a very good understanding of freebsdgirl.
Compared to females her age:
She's less organized
She's less old-fashioned
She's more scientific
She's less moral
She's less methodical

My self-summary:
I like drugs more than I should, but I end up spending all of my money on gadgets I'll only use once (wifi detector, teensy mp3 player, bluetooth headset, etc) or shoes or something, so drugs haven't really ever been that much of a problem. I hate non-geeks. I don't hate them because they aren't technical, I hate them because the only ones I've met are stupid "hey hey wanna cyber?? omg lolz" type idiots. I hate idiots. If you ever say "u" or "r" or "plz" in anything other than a direct poke at romanian grammatical skills, do not talk to me. If you do not know what at least 2 out of { gizmodo , IRC , freebsd } are, do not talk to me. If your intent is to ask me for pictures of my breasts, do not talk to me. If you want to send me pictures of your penis, that's ok. It'll go up on my webpage with all the other penis pictures I have collected thus far. If you want me to put a link on my website to your blog, do not talk to me. My blog is infinitely better than your blog. I shall not sully it. If you are Angelina Jolie, you can talk to me.

What I'm doing with my life:
Drugs, coding, scheming, trolling.

I'm really good at:
FreeBSD, making idiot females cry, making idiot males cry. It's my personal mission to eliminate the world of as many idiots as possible before some suicide bomber decides to do the world a favor and take me out.

The first thing(s) people usually notice about me:
My breasts. They are huge, I despise them. I'm going to get them reduced. Shortly after noticing my breasts, they may begin to realize they are bleeding from several internal injuries. I don't like it when people stare. If I meet someone on the internet, they first notice my bitter attitude, shortly followed by my blatant self-promotion.

My favorite books, movies, music, and foods are:
books: sleeping beauty series by anne rice. orson scott card, which is expected from any card carrying nerd. History books. movies: tank girl, demolition man music: 7 year bitch, l7, hole (pre-celebrity skin), gabriel & dresden

The SIX things I could never do without:
cock. laptop. internet. irc. freebsd. cadburry eggs.

I spend a lot of time thinking about:
cock. laptop. internet. irc. freebsd. cadburry eggs.

On a typical Friday night I am:
cock. laptop. internet. irc. freebsd. cadburry eggs (but only when it's easter. the bastards here don't order them year round.)

The most private thing I'm willing to admit here is:
wtf? it's the internet. Private? Have you SEEN my site?

This is great. I just got this IM:

illiterate schmuck: finially someone that seems as if she doesnt take shit and stands her ground..very attractive and interesting at the same time..get back to me if you would like to talk sometime..ps i hate ignorance...so try not to conversate with meaningless bable.
me: conversate isn't a word. you meant converse.

Heres some snippets of some winning profiles that decided they were turned on by my profile and wanted some FreeBSDGirl love.

My favorite books, movies, music, and foods are:

books-not a clue, movies-seen too many, music-listen to a variety, foods-probably ice cream

Here's a clue. Show some interests in your profile. Only idiot girls want to talk to someone that isn't well read, spends all their time in front of a tv, only sticks in generalities when describing something, and eats unhealthy food.

My self-summary:

Im a single(cant change bit where it says in relationship) 22year old male as u can see. Got my LPC. Working as a Legal Clerk for a council. I never know what to write in these things. AAAAAAAAAArgh I love women, all ages especially ones above 40 and love sex.

The SIX things I could never do without:

Mobile Phone, Coca cola, food, my neice and nephew, sex and women and EASTENDERS(soap)

You should message me if:

Ur funny, u can take a joke, not easily offended, willing to talk dirty , love sex, loving and caring. Also, im expecting to be a dad of triplets soon, but not ready, so if you want to buy a baby or 3 at a reasonable price let me know. If not i may just sell my unborn kids on Ebay.

This kid is 22. Why is he sending me email if he knows I'm 23? I also clearly state that I'm in a committed relationship, although I do use the word 'cock' multiple times, so maybe he got excited and missed that not single bit. Also, he really needs to work on his math skills. That's 8 things. He's a coca-cola lover too, which means it never would have worked out. I'm a pepsi girl. I really don't even know what to say about that last question.

The most private thing I'm willing to admit here is:

i have a thing for girls in glasses, and if you leave your panties at my house, i will smell them quite a bit before washing them for your next visit.

This profile I actually found fairly interesting. It's a bi 34/f involved in a pagan FFM (female-female-male) triad. I don't really know about that underwear thing though.

I want one of these.

The first thing(s) people usually notice about me:

“Damn, he must be missing that little guy in the back of his brain that prods him with a stick before he opens his mouth. ‘

Best ever.

I'm getting my period soon. I can always tell a few days in advance if I pay attention to my knees. They start to ache, reminding me that the torrents of blood are coming. It's a dull pounding deep in the joint, and it's more annoying than actually getting my period, in my opinion.

Men see a female menstrual cycle as a thing of disgust and awe. They make crude jokes about it - "Never trust anything that bleeds for 7 days and never dies" - but they also wonder how girls have to put up with it. They'll make some joke about how if they were female, they'd stay at home and feel themselves up all day, but it's just a joke. None of them want to have to think about the inconveniences that come along with the girl parts. My period doesn't really bother me much. It never has. It's one of those things that eventually all females get used to and accept.

Females are remarkably resilient. How else do you think some women give birth to multiple children? The birth itself I consider tolerable compared to the rest. It's the time leading up to and the recuperation time afterword that sucks the worst. Michelle, one of my closest friends, recently gave birth to a beautiful little girl. The pregnancy wasn't exactly planned, but at least they were married and she learned to accept it (for the most part). I would call her up several times a week to see how she was doing. None of her other friends had gone through pregnancy yet, so I tried to be as supportive as I could, considering the fact that I was 600 miles away. She would complain about the aches and pains, the emotional roller coaster, the lack of understanding from her husband, the overall suckage of being pregnant. As time went on and her stomache expanded, so did her verbosity in discussing her loathing of her condition. Every time I was on the phone with her, nodding and being the understanding sister, I'd pity her because I didn't remember it being that bad for me. I thought she was just complaining a lot, that maybe I'm more "made for baby making" (sorry, Mike) than she is. Now though, I remember. I forced myself to. 9 months of not being able to sleep, not being able to breath, back pain, not being able to walk very far without searing cramps, having odd food cravings, getting violently ill, emotional outbursts, being focused completely on the day when you get to go through another 12 hours of excruciating pain so you can get this leeching virus they call a baby out of your goddamn belly. They don't really tell you what happens after the birth. You take home the baby and everything is great, right? Wrong. Welcome to recovery time. You lay in bed because you've got stitches in a place where you never wanted any needle to go. You're afraid to use the toilet because you're afraid you will damage the before-mentioned stitches. The baby is screaming, and you're too exhausted to do anything. Your tits hurt like you wouldn't believe, and they are leaking breast milk like crazy. You have to put a hand towel down your sports bra to soak up the excess, and even then you're having to change the towel out every half hour. You can finally see your legs well enough to shave them again, but you feel like so shitty that you ignore the jungle of leg hair in lieu of a 15 minute nap. You meant for it to be longer, but the baby is awake and screaming again, and can't you please do something about that noise? The husband is home and he's had a hard day at work. Oh yeah, and did you think you were emotional before? You ain't seen nothin' yet. Welcome to post-partum depression.

Now do you believe me when I say females are more resilient than men? We force ourselves to forget these things. If men had to go through all that, the human race would be doomed.

I'm fat. Don't even start with the "Oh honey, you're just fine. You're not fat!" comments. It's a medical fact. I'm overweight. I'm not nearly as fat as I used to be, but the fact remains that I'm still heavier than I should be by society's standards. I'm fairly open with it. I laugh at myself in public about it, and I wasn't always able to do that.

When I was younger, I was a size 18. This is bigger than you'd imagine. I think my waist was probably 38", although my overly large breasts would hide that fact quite well. I was oddly well proportioned, and most people wouldn't ever guess my true size, but I still hated myself for being that big. Kids are rough on themselves, you know? It didn't help that my step-sister was a size 10. She wasn't small, but to me she was perfect. I would compare myself to her every day and fall short.

I had kids, and my weight ballooned even higher still. I think at one point I was up to a size 22. Eventually, I stopped eating. It just seemed like too much effort. Usually depression led to food for me, but this was different. I had just gotten the boot from a terrible relationship, and I laid in bed for weeks. I didn't eat anything but a little dietary aid I lovingly refer to as meth. Yes, that's right. Meth. I put meth in St. Johns Wort pills and took them for a few weeks straight. I think in my life I've done about 3/4 of a gram of meth, which isn't much at all. I'm pretty lucky in that I never build up a tolerance to illegal drugs. No, my body saves that lovely thing called tolerance for the prescriptions that I need, much to my aggravation. I lost quite a bit of weight, bringing myself back down to a size 18. My husband and I got back together (hint: not the relationship I referred to earlier), and I stopped caring so much about my weight.

I got angry at my ex and decided to learn C, primarily to write GTK apps. I have severe ADD, and at the time I was unmedicated for it. My brother was getting adderall, and he started giving them to me. Woah, look at that weight , the basis for comparison that I used on an everyday basis, drop. All I did for months was code and sleep. Food? Who has time for it. Hence I got down smaller than I'd ever been until that point - size 14. Then came another job, where I was working night shift and doing lines of blow in the bathroom to stay awake. Wow, there goes more weight. Size 10.

I'm convinced that few people ever lose an extraordinary amount of weight through anything other than sickness or drugs. Exercise and eating right? Who has the time?

I put on a bit of weight these past few months, bringing myself back up to a size 14. I'm starting to take it back off, but it's not easy, especially not with it being Easter. I love this time of year because it's the only time they sell the only chocolate I like: Cadburry Eggs. I eat the things like I used to eat meth pills, and they have the exact opposite effect on my bootie. I dread waking up in the morning, because I look at my closet and wonder what happened to all of my fat-girl tshirts. You know, the ones that drape over my breasts and cover up half my butt & hips. Oh yeah, that's right, I gave them to goodwill in an adderall induced frantic cleaning spree. Fuck.

So now, I'm looking at eating and exercise in an entirely new light. I'm not really up for doing the drugs. Mike and I are working towards something, and it's time to grow up. That's not to say I'm going to stop doing drugs entirely, but I don't see it as a means to an end anymore.

I haven't really cared to lose weight in a long time, but I find myself looking in the mirror and noticing the subtle - and not so subtle - differences in my face, my ass, my stomache. I love myself, but I have to fight not to hate the way I look. For a long time I stopped doing all the girly things I used to love. You know, the small touches females do that guys so rarely notice. Shaping the eyebrows, putting lotion on religiously, facials (and not of the bukakke variety). I painted my nails earlier this week. When I stood outside work smoking my one and only Camel Light of the day and grooving to the sweet sounds of Anastacia being blasted out of my iPod, I looked down at my toes peeking out from beneath the dusty fringe of my jeans. Pink, girly toes. Cute toes. It made me smile. It's something small, but it's a start.

I just managed to achieve Padmasana. Yay!

I went out shopping for a few books tonight at Borders, and ended up buying more than I planned. I'm finish up reading The Dirty Girls Social Club (Alisa Valdes-Rodriquez) for the second time before I get started on the new books. It's really light reading, good for relaxing in the bath with. I got desperate at Krogers earlier this week due to my lack of reading material, and picked up sMothering (Wendy French). It looks stupid, but maybe I'll be pleasantly surprised.

Tonight, I picked up The Elements of Style, Fourth Edition (William Strunk JR. and E.B. White) as well as The Complete Handbook of Novel Writing: Everything You Need to Know About Creating & Selling Your Work (Meg Leder, Jack Heffron, and the editors of Writers Digest). I'd been recommended the first book by several people, and the second book just looked really big and full of useful information. Maybe I'll be able to improve my writing style a bit.

On the bargain shelf, I found The Complete Guide to Yoga: The Essential Guide to Yoga For All The Family (Judy Smith, Doriel Hall, Bel Gibbs). I was unable to find this on Amazon or any other site, unfortunately. The ISBN for it is 0-681-18580-5. It was $5, and it's a good book from what I can tell so far. It covers Many of the Asanas, and the Iyengar Basics. It even discusses yoga for children, and it's fully illustrated with color photographs.

In my quest to learn as many languages as humanly possible (or at least learn enough of each language to be able to understand it if not speak it fluently), I bought Parla Italiano? Learn Italian: The Basics (Giuseppe Manca, Caterina Bertolotto). It's a book/DVD set. I don't really learn well via audio representations, but I do like to use it to make sure my pronounciation is correct.

Because I <3 fiction, I bought Smashed: Story of a drunken girlhood (Koren Zailckas). I wouldn't normally have noticed it, but it won accolades from Mary Karr, whom I regard very highly due to Stephen King's obsession with her. Along with that theme, I also got Chloe Does Yale (Natalie Krinsky), which really only caught my eye because it was bright pink. When I read the back, it was reviewed by another of my favorite fiction authors, Moly Jong-Fast.

Since I had Mary Karr on my mind, I got another copy of The Liars' Club (Mary Karr). It's an awesome book that I'd recommend to anyone. It won more awards than you can shake a stick at back in 1995, and it's also fairly cheap to pick up - I paid $12.95.

When we were in the checkout lane, I snagged a copy of The Incredibles: Widescreen 2-Disc Collectors Edition. It was on sale, and Nathan will pee himself when he sees it in his Easter basket. I got a bottle of Crabtree & Evelyn Lavender Hand Therapy and Blue Q Dirty Girl Sparkling Hand & Body Cream.

This should give me something to do for the weekend.

I hate Solaris. I hate Solaris. I hate Solaris. I hate Solaris. I hate Solaris. I hate Solaris. I hate Solaris. I hate Solaris. I hate Solaris. I hate Solaris. I hate Solaris. I hate Solaris. I hate Solaris. I hate Solaris. I hate Solaris. I hate Solaris. I hate Solaris. I hate Solaris. I hate Solaris. I hate Solaris. I hate Solaris. I hate Solaris. I hate Solaris. I hate Solaris. I hate Solaris. I hate Solaris. I hate Solaris. I hate Solaris. I hate Solaris. I hate Solaris. I hate Solaris. I hate Solaris. I hate Solaris. I hate Solaris. I hate Solaris. I hate Solaris. I hate Solaris. I hate Solaris. I hate Solaris. I hate Solaris. I hate Solaris. I hate Solaris. I hate Solaris. I hate Solaris. I hate Solaris.

That is all.

I am so happy. After I wrote that last post yesterday, I checked my email. Kathy sent me an email saying we have the house!!!! My head is about to spin off and explode. With the exception of the bathrooms, it is my dream starter house. Now we just have to get furniture. I have no idea how we are going to furnish a house that big. I may have to put off my trip to San Francisco for a few weeks because the deposit for this house is going to take up my entire paycheck on the 15th. I can't wait to move in. As soon as I can, I'll take some more pictures of the house. It is awesome.

This conversation happened on tetranet. I don't have all of the log in my buffer, so some of it is paraphrased.

SLAM: coolgirl how old r u
SLAM: 12?
coolgirl: lol, 16
coolgirl: SLAM, girl or guy?
SLAM: guy
passthebizzle: im high
sektie: heh, me too.
coolgirl: high and have children,naught mom,sektie
sektie: coolgirl: you're 16 and have an internet boyfriend. let's not cast stones.
coolgirl: no i dont
sektie: you were talking about him the other day
SLAM: lol
passthebizzle: she asks everyone to be her internet boyfriend
coolgirl: asciiwhite
coolgirl: hes not my internet boyfriend
coolgirl: he cheated on me.
sektie: wtf?
sektie: you're joking, right?
coolgirl: he was talking to another girl
coolgirl: he doesn't love me :(
sektie: that's really pathetic.
passthebizzle: don't hold back now sektie
coolgirl: lied about his age
sektie: a boy on the internet can't 'cheat' on you
passthebizzle: ha
sektie: IT'S THE INTERNET
SLAM: lol
coolgirl: he broke my heart
sektie: girls get internet boyfriends for one of two reasons
sektie: either they are fat
sektie: or they 50 year old guys jacking off to child porn.
passthebizzle: ur a guy
SLAM: coolgirl,u make me laugh :)
coolgirl: hell,no i am not a guy
SLAM: how can ur heart be broken over the internet
sektie: she's 16
passthebizzle: im sure he is 25
sektie: just do yourself a favor, start taking valium.
sektie: valium fixes everything.
SLAM: coolgirl, ru hot?
SLAM: want 2 cyber?
coolgirl: sure, where?
sektie: HAHAHAHAHAHA OMG
coolgirl: MSN?
sektie; m/sg SLAM dude, totally do it and send me logs for my website
coolgirl: shut up sektie
coolgirl: my stupid overprotective parents wont let me have a boyfriend
SLAM: so u resort to online bf's?
coolgirl: do u want to cyber or what?
coolgirl: SLAM?
sektie: coolgirl
sektie: don't degrade yourself
coolgirl: SLAM, r u serious?
sektie: lose some weight, then you'll have no problem finding a quality guy
SLAM: about what?
coolgirl: cybering
SLAM: lmao
SLAM: coolgirl, i put on my wizard cap
g-Off: hahahaha
coolgirl: what does that mean o grate one
SLAM: it means you get one wish.
SLAM: for your one wish, i will let you wish to not be a fat girl
coolgirl: i want a new wish
SLAM: send me a pic
coolgirl: no
sektie: send me a pic then?
coolgirl: shut up sektie
sektie: you must be fat.
sektie: if you weren't fat, you'd send us your pics. preferably naked. i'm lonely tonight. :(
coolgirl: no
sektie: send me some naked pictures of yourself, i'll make you a star!
passthebizzle: true
SLAM: send sektie the pics :(
coolgirl: no, ur sickening me sektie
passthebizzle: ill send mine
coolgirl: thats why
sektie: thinking of yourself naked is making you sick?
sektie: http://freebsdgirl.com/sektie.jpg
sektie: see?
sektie: i showed you mine, now you show me yours
sektie: that's how it works.
coolgirl: i didn't go2 it
sektie: your loss, i have a great rack.
coolgirl: im not going 2
coolgirl: well im not a lesbo
sektie: so now you have a problem with lesbians?
sektie: you're full of hate. you should really think about those valiums :(
SLAM: im ready for your pic
coolgirl: i already told u i cant send it
coolgirl: my parents have something on the computer that wont let me
sektie: i'll give you a gmail account.
coolgirl: no.
sektie: you are full of excuses :(
sektie: fat girl :(
SLAM: lol
coolgirl: i don't have any pics of me naked,because, i am not stupid
SLAM: any pic would do
coolgirl: ya know i really don't need to be on right now
sektie; probably not, but we're bored and want to look at porn
sektie: plz send
SLAM: how old do u prefer ur boys?
coolgirl: i am a christian
sektie: christians cyber?
sektie: that isn't in the bible
passthebizzle: lol
coolgirl: i didnt say i cyber
sektie: i'm pretty sure it also says to honor your father and mother. do you think they'd approve of you putting out on the internet?
sektie: coolgirl, you've been trying to get in SLAM's pants all night
coolgirl: shut up sektie
sektie: you're going to hell
sektie: and god hates you
sektie: :)
sektie: *KISSES* goodnight.

I finished the data migration from the old site's db to the new site's db - now all the old entries & comments show up, except for comments made when the site was using blogger. I'm loving wordpress so far. It's quite nice.

Mike and I went to look at a house yesterday. We've been talking about moving in together for a while, and he broke the news to his parents today. They took it a lot better than I thought they would. I guess they finally learned to accept that I'm not going anywhere. It looks like we're going to be getting the house we saw. It's a 4 bedroom/2.5 bathroom house, 2 stories with full basement. Hardwood floors throughout the house, 2 car garage, huge back yard, HUGE windows, formal sitting parlour, office, etc. It is too gorgeous. Providing we get it, we'll be moving in June 15th. Happy! :)

I'm looking for someone to do a bit of easy digital artwork for me. In return for the help, the art can be tagged with their logo/name and linked back to their webpage, as well as getting a blurb here. It's easy work for free advertising. ;)

Shoot me a email or AIM if you're interested.

Courtesy of hideaway, here's a really disturbing video. Have your sound on. This is not safe for work.

Victoria's Secret Holding Tank for Men

...To resurrect my soul
The sun is always shining
Or at least thats what I'm told

Yes, I'm heading back to CA. San Francisco, to be exact. I'm going to see hep, velv, and zb. I might meet up with wca while I am there, as well. Anyone else going to be in the bay area the weekend of April 22nd? Let's get our drink on. Comment on this or shoot me a email if you want to meet up. #nanog'ers need not apply.

Mike arrived back in Atlanta last night. I painted my nails a really cute shade of pink and did all that crap. I feel like a girl again. I've gotten so used to the tshirt/jeans/sneakers routine that it's nice to wear makeup and put an effort into how I look again. I've been so exhausted lately that I haven't really thought about it all that much. Mike was pleasantly surprised at the change. It was a fairly exhausting night. I was disappointed to hear how much he hated New York, so we dropped that subject and just enjoyed being in each others company.

He left to take care of a few things back at his house, so I'm sitting on the couch working and watching The Next Karate Kid. I know it's a bad movie by a sane persons standards, but I've always loved it. Hilary Swank reminds me of my mom in this movie. I think it's something in the hair and her lips and teeth. I'm not sure, but I remember watching this the year it came out and thinking the same thing. I should pick up this DVD. I'm sure I can find it on the $9.99 DVD shelf at Target.

Mike's 23rd birthday is on Tuesday. I have absolutely no idea what to get him. I thought I could just take him out for dinner at Melting Pot and maybe plan for a nice night afterwords. He didn't give me many hints as to what he would want. I bought a nice little dress that I knew he would love on me, but I felt weird doing so. It's just wrong to buy something for myself to look nice for him and call it a present. I need ideas. Anyone?

export PS1=" _\n /\) [\u@\h]\n / /\n( Y)\n \"\" \w: "

Mike's been gone since early Monday morning. He won't be back until Friday night, so that's 70 more hours until I get laid.

I feel the urge to binge on Cadbury Eggs. Chocolate is supposed to induce the same feelings as love, right? I miss him so much. Maybe I'll go clean my house to distract myself.

The roommate that I've never met finally came home this week. I still haven't met him, actually. From what Herm was telling me, he sounds like a total asshat. I was told he went apeshit on Joel because the house was a little messy. Apparently he doesn't like us using the kitchen upstairs, either. I'm supposed to use the kitchen downstairs. Ok, whatever. Joel is obviously at least somewhat scared of him, as he just caved in to everything. The guy has been paying rent here for the past three years, although he's been in California almost a year now due to family reasons. I'm looking forward to meeting this guy, oh yes. If he gives me shit, I will hurt him. I think Joel told me he's a web developer. I bet he writes in .NET. Wanker.

Ok, I promise, no more huge blog changes. Not for a while, anyways. I'm getting tired of porting all of my entries around, and I just want to find an blog that doesn't suck. I went from my own code to Blogger to LiveJournal to WordPress. I was considering Movable Type, but Nick talked me out of it. I'll stick with this for a while and see what I can do with it. It's so hard finding decent blog software.

I disliked my own software because I didn't have the time to manage it. I'm so totally not a web developer. I'll be the first to admit I completely suck at design. I can write a backend with no problem, but when it comes to putting it in a format that is easy to read and nice on the eyes, I'm lost.

Blogger was pretty good, at first. I didn't like keeping the database that stored the entries off my server, and the idea of it having to upload so many files any time I made a minor change was kind of irritating. I could have lived with it, but it's important for me to be able to send email from my sidekick with pictures and have it posted to my blog. Blogger claimed to have this functionality, but half the time it was either lagged 12+ hours or not working at all. Screw that.

LiveJournal is....well, it's livejournal. I don't really like livejournal, but the community is nice. A lot of my friends are on livejournal, and I liked being integrated into the same community software as them. It made viewing their blogs & them viewing my blog a lot easier. Back to RSS feeds, I guess.

WordPress seems nice, although I don't really like the idea of it having to check an email address with pop3 periodically. At least this is entirely stored on my server, and I can edit the code by hand if I want. I like the category functionality, as well as the trackback/pingback abilities, too.

The plan for now is to play with this. I think I've found the theme I want to use, it's just going to take a bit of tweaking here and there. I'm so fickle.

A voice cut through the fog of her consciousness. She lifted her head and looked around in slow motion. The voice belonged to an angry waiter, getting progressively higher pitched with each word.

"You can't be in here," he said, standing a few inches in front of her. His breath smelled like something dead. She hated when people got that close to her. He grabbed her arm, and she flinched. "This is the kitchen. This is for authorized personell only. Who the hell do you think you are?"

She whirled around and stumbled for the door. How did she get in here? Oh, now she remembered. She thought it was the bathroom. She pushed through the double doors, wondering how she could have even possibly thought this was the bathroom. Was she that messed up already?

She only came in here to do a quick bump, something to get her through the dinner. Perfectly understandable, really. She was certain her boyfriend of four years was going to propose tonight. She didn't love him, and she knew he didn't love her. She spotted the bathroom door, and strode purposefully towards it - as purposefully as her 4" Manolo Blaniks would let her. She could feel questioning eyes watching her cross the room, and she raised her head in defiance. The panic was starting to build deep in her chest. She quickened her pace, nearly running for the door.

She burst inside and leaned against the door for a moment, the cool wood soothing on the bare skin of her back. With a supreme gathering of will, she stood up and went to the skin. She pawed through her purse in desperation. She found her emergency vial of cocaine and started tapping some out on the countertop, not even checking the bathroom stalls to see if there was anyone else there. She wasn't worried about them catching her in the act, not at this place. Here, they would more likely ask her to share, and she didn't have
enough to last her the rest of the evening if she had to give some to someone else.

She inspected the three evenly spaced lines with a smile. Satisfied with her work, she pulled out a twenty dollar bill and rolled it tightly. One, two, three. All gone. She felt her heart starting to speed up, her mind starting to work. She could think again. The panic was gone.

She inspected her nose to make sure all traces were gone, and she powdered her face for good measure. She winked at herself in the mirror, and caught a movement behind her. A young girl, no more than 13, stepped out of the stall. They regarded each other in mutual understanding. The girl washed her hands and calmly walked out, a shade paler than what would pass as healthy.

Congrats to Gizmodo for winning the 2005 Bloggie for "best computers or technology weblog". :)

Upgrading some gtk/gnome stuff broke like *everything*, so I'm having to finally portupgrade all my gnome packages. Gnome 2.10 is looking spiffy with quite a few changes. There's not so much as far as new apps go, but it's still worth an update. My one gripe is the lack of a GUI menu editor. Applications:// worked in Nautilus in 2.8, but apparently they've removed that funcationality in 2.10. Gnome uses .desktop files, so they can be hand edited. Still, that's a bit of a pain. There's a few scripts out there already to search for predefined binaries in a users path and generate menus automatically, but I'm thinking of working on a program that would give the user a little more functionality than that. I don't know, we'll see. I've got a lot on my plate right now. With Mike gone for the week, I've got a little spare time. Doubtless the Gnome project will release something soon.

Hating perl right now. So, check this out:

/libexec/ld-elf.so.1: /usr/local/lib/libgthread-2.0.so.600: Undefined symbol "pthread_getschedparam"

What do you think the problem is? Any wild guesses? It's freaking PERL. Perl wasn't compiled -DWITH_THREADS (in my opinion, it should be compiled with threads by default, but eh, whatcha gonna do), so syndigator is freaking out. Thank you, google.

It was such a beautiful day outside that I took Nathan and RJ-45 outside for a bit to play. Since RJ still isn't doing that well, we stuck close to home.

Nathan now knows how to use my laptop. I'm not sure if that's a good thing or not. He can use the trackpad and navigate around the gallery. He loves finding pictures of himself and RJ-45. Here's some more to keep him happy.

nathan_and_rj45

I found this link, and it seems pretty good. I think I'm going to try to get my iPod working with my laptop later this weekend, providing I can find the proper connector. Have you seen Rhythm Box? Also on my list of very cool apps. It may not have all the functionality I'd like at the moment, but it definitely has a lot of potential. I miss iTunes now that I'm not using my PowerBook anymore, but this may prove to be a decent alternative.

Yesterday, my 3 year old son dropped his pants for a girl. According to him, the little tart enticed him into doing it. When Chad gave him the Laker Girls speech (watch Bowfinger if you don't catch the reference), he did it in front of the little girls mom who just happened to be fairly hot. That must have been rather awkward. Nathan's response? "TT did it first!", TT being the nickname of the girl in question. Further proof that girls are evil and my son is a player.

<sektie> i'm sorta glad i'm white, because there aren't enough angry white chicks in this world. it gives everyone an unfair stereotype of the angry black chick.
<sektie> i vow to change the stereotype to angry white chick.
<seisan> anger makes girls ugly
<seisan> be a proper lady
<seisan> and stop pasting rainbow cocks in the channel

*** Starting Conversation With [Ex-boyfriend's AIM Name Edited Out]
randi: i'm going to write a book
randi: and it's going to suck.
randi: it's going to suck worse than i do.
randi: i've decided i have no writing skill whatsoever.
randi: i'm devoid of talent
randi: all i have is breasts
randi: and with age, even those will sag
randi: and then i'll have nothing.
randi: i'll have no talent, saggy boobs, and a stupid book.

[15:55] --- Channel #freebsd created Sat Mar 24 00:22:37 2001
[15:55] --- Irssi: Join to #freebsd was synced in 0 secs
[15:55] <sektie> hi, my freebsd won't work.
[15:55] <sektie> someone fix it?
[15:55] <shbrngdo> I need help reading man pages
[15:55] <shbrngdo> please?
[15:56] <thrall> heh
[15:56] <twq> so... im having troubles installing dreamweaver HALP
[15:56] --- mode/#freebsd [+l 160] by bsdasym
[15:56] <thrall> is freebsd really free?
[15:56] <sektie> does freebsd run on LINUX?
[15:56] <thrall> my cousin says it costs money
[15:57] --- CrtxReavr [crtxreavr@xerxes.trioptimum.com] has joined #freebsd
[15:57] <twq> i heard bsd was dying?!?
[15:57] <sektie> twq: omg me too, i saw that on slashdot!!
[15:57] <CrtxReavr> FreeBSD is a linux distro?
[15:57] <shbrngdo> really? I thought it had something to do with Microsoft
[15:58] <shbrngdo> or was that Apple?
[15:58] <sektie> can i play sims 2 on freebsd?
[15:58] --- zpx [~joel@c24.177.101.100.roc.mn.charter.com] has joined #freebsd
[15:58] <thrall> my cousin installed it and i lost the start button :(
[15:58] <shbrngdo> you have to use '/' instead of '\' right?
[15:58] --- Deryl [pgpkeys@pgpkeys.us] has joined #freebsd
[15:59] <sektie> MY INTERNET BUTTON IS BROKEN
[15:59] <Deryl> does windows ipconfig work under freebsd?
[15:59] <shbrngdo> I still need help doing man pages
[15:59] <CrtxReavr> Is there a port for modprobe?
[15:59] <sektie> i don't even have man pages :(
[15:59] <sektie> how do i get man pages??
[15:59] <shbrngdo> I typed "man pages" and it didn't work
[16:00] <shbrngdo> someone said I had to read them
[16:00] <Deryl> are there any docs on how to get the freebsd kernel to boot my XP?
[16:00] <CrtxReavr> CAn you teach me how to hack?
[16:00] <Tecky-Wrk> Whats FreeBSD, and is it really FREE ?
[16:00] <Deryl> can I use OSX to run freebsd?
[16:00] <shbrngdo> what's the password I need to log in
[16:01] <twq> im having troubles installing boserve on my friends freebsd
[16:01] <Tecky-Wrk> How come people charge for the FreeBSD Free CDs ?
[16:01] <twq> help
[16:01] --- Martin [martin@dsl-132-202.o-d.tiscali.no] has joined #freebsd
[16:01] <thrall> my cousin says freebsd is the best router
[16:01] --- Martin has left #freebsd []
[16:01] <Deryl> how do i set a default route?
[16:01] <sektie> !list
[16:01] <twq> what is the deal with that deamon?! is this some kind of satanist os!?!?!?!
[16:01] <CrtxReavr> !serial MS-Bob
[16:01] <Deryl> @find freebsd warez
[16:01] <sektie> DOES ANYONE HAVE A SERIAL FOR WINDOWS XP????
[16:01] <twq> @last beastie
[16:02] <shbrngdo> can I run internet explorer on freebsd?
[16:02] <CrtxReavr> !seen myweanie
[16:02] <Deryl> why won't notepad run on freebsd?
[16:02] <sektie> i want answers now, or you are ALL FIRED
[16:02] <sektie> i'll write a letter
[16:02] <sektie> to the PRESIDENT OF FREEBSD
[16:02] <sektie> and he'll FIRE YOU
[16:02] <sektie> DON'T YOU KNOW WHO I AM???
[16:02] <CrtxReavr> I wish, I wish. .. to fly with dragons in a land apart.
[16:03] <thrall> aren't you that girl that works over at the taco bell?
[16:03] <twq> in what dir do i put my global.asa??
[16:03] <Deryl> Why isn't anyone talking. This is a help channel. HELP ME DAMN IT!
[16:03] <sektie> yeah so!!
[16:03] <sektie> he'll listen to me :(
[16:03] <sektie> they all do
[16:03] <Deryl> useless channel
[16:03] <sektie> HELPPPPPPP
[16:03] <shbrngdo> I stil need help with man pages
[16:03] <thrall> my cousin says you're hot
[16:03] <shbrngdo> ASL
[16:03] <thrall> shadey_ i think you need to open them with notepad
[16:03] <sektie> -----------
[16:03] <sektie> < HELP ME!! >
[16:03] <sektie> -----------
[16:03] <sektie> \
[16:03] <sektie> \ _
[16:03] <sektie> \ /\) _
[16:03] <sektie> _ / / (/\
[16:03] <sektie> /\) ( Y) \ \
[16:03] <sektie> / / "" (Y )
[16:03] <sektie> ( Y) _ ""
[16:03] <sektie> "" (/\ _
[16:03] <sektie> \ \ /\)
[16:03] <sektie> (Y ) / /
[16:03] <sektie> "" ( Y)
[16:03] <sektie> ""
[16:03] <thrall> er
[16:03] [secsup] --- You were killed by Blaxthos [blaxthos@oper.bash.org] [(no color)] [Path: ]
[16:03] [secsup] --- ERROR Closing Link: 127.0.0.1 sektie (Killed (Blaxthos (no color)))
[16:06] --- Channel #freebsd created Sat Mar 24 00:22:37 2001
[16:06] --- Irssi: Join to #freebsd was synced in 1 secs
[16:07] <sektie> MY INTERNET JUST BROKE
[16:07] <sektie> WTF
[16:07] <sektie> DUDE
[16:07] <shbrngdo> lol
[16:07] <spike723> hmm
[16:07] <shbrngdo> ASL
[16:07] <sektie> SPIKE
[16:07] <spike723> Genesys, how are the sheep?
[16:07] <sektie> how's that livin' with your mom going?
[16:07] <Deryl> Why doesn't the windows kernel boot my freebsd? Someone told me I had to edit the ntldr.conf and it would boot my Freebsd
[16:07] <twq> HAY GUYS CAN YOU HELP ME WITH MY UNDERPANTS?
[16:07] <CrtxReavr> 16/f/berkeley
[16:07] <shbrngdo> Deryl - can you edit that?
[16:07] <sektie> UNDERPANTS!! UNDERPANTS!!
[16:08] <shbrngdo> Crtx - cool, can we cyber?
[16:08] <Deryl> shbrngdo: no because my pico doesn't work because I can't load freebsd
[16:08] <Deryl> freebsd sucks. windows can't boot it
[16:08] --- mode/#freebsd [+m] by Blaxthos
[16:08] --- Blaxthos changed the topic of #freebsd to: quiet time
[16:08] --- Deryl is now known as HLPME
[16:08] --- HLPME is now known as deryl
[16:08] --- You're now known as OMGSUXXOR
[16:09] --- You're now known as sektie

I went to petsmart and got her a new crate since she demolished her old one while I was in illinois.

mobile:aal

Isn't she too adorable? She loves her new home, especially the pink fur blanket and pillow I gave her to relax on.

--sektie's sidekick

It's the way I can see his eyes in the dark. I know he's looking at me, and I smile at him. He tickles me, I giggle. We meant to go to sleep an hour ago, but we keep finding things to say to each other. It's the best part of my day. Sometimes, when he's looking at me and holding me and we're finding so many reasons to smile, I feel content. Everything's right in the world, and I'm ok. I don't think about tomorrow. I just lose myself in the moment of being with him. I'm happy and I know he is too. A year ago, I would have been thinking "How long is this going to last?" Now, I'm just enjoying the moment and not looking for the end. It's worth it. I'm happy.

My life is weird. It's full of drama, but I usually like it because it gives me something to write about. I needed an outlet to vent, and writing was the most healthy way I could find. Now things are slowly starting to calm down, and I've got less and less drama to write about. I don't miss it.

I keep thinking about last night. It makes me close my eyes and smile. We didn't get to sleep until after 2 AM. We laid in bed while Mike was working on his laptop, and I watched him as he worked. We cuddled, and I fell asleep smiling, RJ-45 asleep on my feet.

Speaking of which, she's not doing so well. I took her to the vet the other day because she had another episode. I'm not sure if I've ever talked about what's wrong with her on here before, so I'll explain. I got RJ from an animal shelter. She was a big ball of fluff, and when I sat down around the puppies, she came right over and climbed into my lap. She picked me, and she was the cutest puppy there. She was social and loveable and just perfect. When I went to take her home, they told me one family had tried to adopt her already, but they brought her back because they said she was "destructive". Well, duh. She's a puppy. It was obvious she'd been abused, so we were really careful with her. She also had mange, so I took her to the vet, and they said she'd fight it off on her own. It wasn't the type of mange that was contagious, but the type that is passed through her mothers' milk. At the time, I was living at my dads but spending most of my time at M's house. My brother was helping take care of RJ while I was up on the north side of the city, but then on the weekend I got a call from C. saying there was something wrong with RJ. I drove home and there was a huge oozing sore on top of her back. I was furious at my father and brother because no one had called me and told me before and furious at myself because I hadn't been around that much to notice myself. I drove her back to the vet's, and they said it was a 'hot spot'; they happen sometimes to outdoor dogs and it would go away. She looked like she was getting better for a while, but then she started getting them all over her body. She was losing her hair and looking miserable. We've been fighting this ever since. She will be fine for a few months, but then within 2-3 days she'll have lost most of her hair and she'll have bleeding pus-filled wounds all over her body. She has a lowered immune system, so she can't fight off the demodactic mange. She also has hormonal problems and a heart murmur. We just found out about the heart murmur yesterday, but luckily it doesn't seem that serious. She's such an awesome dog, and I love her so much! It's horrible that she has to go through this. All she ever wants to do is cuddle and sit in my lap, despite being a little too big to be a lap dog. The latest outbreak was pretty bad, and it's gotten down to her feet. I took her to a new vet, and we're going to try doing dips to see if that helps. She's never going to be able to entirely get rid of this. It's going to be with her all her life. My dog has as many medical problems as me. heh. Poor RJ-45. :(

Mike working on his laptop.

mobile/aaj

--sektie's sidekick

Chad: I need to think of a good Objective line for my resume
randi: to steal underwear and make lots of money.
Chad: I was thinking more along the lines of "To make mad stacks of benjamins while macking on hotties to further my plans of world domination, fo shizzle."

I keep writing short little posts while I'm out, and I email them to the super-special-secret blogger email addy that will post to my blog, but they never get posted, or they take hours to post. Weird. I'll give it the benefit of the doubt and keep going with it. I really do like the way the new site looks.

The night before last, I had a dream that I was doing a lot of really shitty blow. Then I woke up with the sniffles. Well, I thought it was amusing, even if you don't.

Last night I helped Mike install FreeBSD on his laptop. Or rather, I tried to. I was trying to explain to him the ports system and all the neat little tricks and how to set things up, but he kept getting distracted and groping me. Apparently me lecturing him on FreeBSD is a turn-on for him. We had some problems getting his mouse to detect, but thanks to Darius, it's all working now. Darius has been awesome with helping me figure out how to fix the broken stuff on these laptops, namely with ACPI and Mike's mouse. I still can't get either laptop to successfully go into anything other than S1, but at least now the display turns off. I want S3, damn it! (man acpiconf if you're not certain what I'm talking about.)

We went to Krogers to pick up some essentials, and ended up spending a while in the soap aisle, sounding like a married couple. Mike rolled his eyes and said we should be living together already with the way we act. Maybe. He bought me a plant. I gave him a neverending amount of shit for it. "It is our plant of looove! Our loooove plant!" Then he threatened to eat it, so I stopped ragging on him for a while. He better not eat our love plant. I'll post pics of it later. Even the checkout lady gave him shit about it. She said that a plant means more than roses, chocolates, or diamonds. A plant is commitment. We bought our first plant together. What do you think? Is a plant just a plant?

I've got my eyes on a house that I really want us to get. Another family is going to view it first on Friday, but hopefully it'll be too expensive for them, and we'll be able to go look at it. It sounds perfect. It'll be available June 15th, which is about the time frame I've been looking at. I'm excited about moving in together, but nervous. I finally got used to being on my own. Hell, he's over so much now that it really won't change anything I guess. The house I want is so gorgeous. It's a 4 bedroom/2.5 bath with hardwood floors and shelves built into the wall in the bedroom. It is perfect. I am keeping my fingers crossed, but I'm too scared to let myself get that excited about it.

This morning I woke up in the worst overall pain I've been in for a while. It's not that the pain was really that bad, but it was everywhere. All of my muscles feel like one huge bruise. I can't even touch myself on the shoulder without wincing. I'm fairly certain I'm having a bad reaction to the steroids the ER doctor put me on, so I'm waiting until 9:30 rolls around so I can call my doctor and ask him to fix it. I should have known that something like this was going to happen soon, taking as many pills as they've got me on.