Nathan listening to my Creative Labs Nomad Jukebox Zen USB 2.0.
--sektie's sidekick
February 2005 Archives
Puppy! She ate all of my underwear the other day. Every single thong I own is now gone. Time to go shopping at VS again. Bah.
--sektie's sidekick
I'm in a meeting. Here are some angry coworkers.
--sektie's sidekick
<demian> yesterday when I got out of the AIX training class we had to do an evaluation and one of the questions was "AIX cons versus Solaris" and I put "girls don't find AIX sexay. chicks dig Solaris. HOLLA!"
<sektie> chicks don't dig solaris.
<sektie> wtf?
<sektie> it's like comparing aids to genital warts.
<demian> sektie: don't apply logic to anything i say. it will just hurt.
<sektie> we are moving in together probably maybe i think
<hep> i could never live with someone
<sektie> yeah, i don't really like it
<sektie> but we practically live together now
<sektie> it's inconvenient with him always going home
<hep> yeah i bet
<sektie> because i'm like "CLEAN NOW" and he's like "i gotta go home"
<sektie> but then he'll be home and HEH he'll be cleaning
<sektie> he won't have anywhere to run to
<hep> hahahahha
<hep> i clean my bfs house sometimes when i am feeling nice
<sektie> he never cleans, so i always end up doing it
<sektie> i don't mind except for when my back is hurting
<sektie> because i know if i have him do it, it won't be done right. i'm uh, sort of neurotic about it.
<hep> yeah same here
<hep> like, if its not done my way i will redo it and be even angrier
<sektie> he will miss things
<sektie> and not care
<hep> or like, the dishes wont be done right
<hep> and then i will get all OMG OCD about eating off them
<hep> and then i will rewash all the dishes in the house
<sektie> yeah, well, at least your boy does dishes.
<sektie> mine likes to let it 'soak'
<sektie> ie: put them in soapy water and leave them there for days
<sektie> i HATE that.
<hep> my boy thinks the dishwasher he has
<hep> is the MAGIC CLEANING MACHINE
<hep> you just STICK IT IN
<hep> and it GETS CLEAN
<hep> without rinsing or anything
<hep> im like "no. first you handwash. then you put in dishwasher"
<hep> "think of it more as a dishrinser"
<sektie> and then they don't understand why there is flakey crap all over every dish in there
<sektie> "the dishwasher must be broken"
<hep> yeah!
<hep> he clogged it like 5 times!
<hep> with food!
<hep> we had to call the plumber
<sektie> i feel bad for getting on to him though - i mean, it's not like he *has* to help
<sektie> and he's trying and stuff..he just does a half-assed job
<sektie> and acts all injured when i call him on it
<hep> hahahha
<hep> awe
<hep> i just reproportioned the chored
<sektie> i think all guys do this.
<hep> the ones i hate i gave them
<hep> putting laundry away, putting the clean dishes away, folding laundry, and emptying the garbage
<sektie> i mean, you really can't fuck up taking the garbage out
<hep> yeah exactly
<sektie> well, cali can. he never puts a bag back in the garbage can.
<hep> well you can do what my roomie does
<sektie> we'll work on that
<hep> and not put the bag in
<hep> HAHAHAH JINX
<sektie> i have a hard enough time making him put the toilet paper on the roll when he gets a new one out
<sektie> so we are taking baby steps
<hep> mine do that too
<hep> "the counter is the same as the roll"
<hep> "no it isnt
<sektie> oh, and it's great when they forget they have a roll on the counter
<sektie> or on the top of the tank
<sektie> and open a whole new one
<sektie> eventually you have like 4 rolls all around the toilet
<hep> if you keep on them
<hep> they eventually learn
<hep> like dogs!
<sektie> my dog doesn't learn
<sektie> so i put her in a cage when i leave
This kept me amused at work for a bit. Some of the entries made me smile, a few others made me feel a bit depressed. What's your secret?
I got kicked out of the hospital this morning. I'm not sure if I should file a complaint or not. The doctor remarked that I was in the hospital a lot. No shit? With all that is wrong with my spine, it's no wonder. He said he didn't want to give me anything for the pain. Instead, he gave me a perscription. Dude, if I wanted pills, I'd go to my freaking doctor, not the hospital. I wanted something immediate because the pain was just that bad. He wouldn't even let me stay and lay down for just a few minutes. Sitting upright was killing me, and I didn't think I could handle the drive home yet. They weren't busy at all, and he was like "you have to leave." Ass. I'd wish he could go through what I do every single day, but I can't bring myself to be that cruel to anyone.
On a happy note, I finally have a primary care physician. I think all of the insurance problems have been ironed out. I hate aetna. Words cannot express the level of my hatred for this onsurance company, or even my employer for that matter for offering such shitty plans.
I have a doctors appointment tomorrow. I think I might see if a back brace will help. I'd prefer a corset (heh) but I doubt insurance would cover it.
Mike has been talking more about moving in together. I'm scared to believe him. He doesn't seem to know what he wants. I'm scared to get excited about it. I started looking at houses, against my better judgment. I found the perfect house. It's not far from where I live now, and it's a 4 bedroom/2.5 bath with hardwood floors and a fenced in back yard. It's in a really nice neighborhood and the price is right. I want to want it, but I'm terrified of being let down. He seems sincere.... The move in date is June 15th. I guess we'll see.
--sektie's sidekick
I'm in ER, waiting for the doctor. I have no signal, so it will doubtless be much later when this actually posts. More back problems. I couldn't wake M. up, so I had to drive myself. It was one of the most unpleasant rides of my life, partially because I had such a difficult time finding the hospital. I'm glad they aren't busy. I managed to get a room right away.
I really hate hospitals. They make me feel sick just being in one. I put off coming here until I just couldn't stand the pain any longer. Come on, doctor. Get your ass in here and get me the good stuff. I want meds, and I want them now. My legs feel kind of sleepy. Aren't pinched nerves fun?
I've got to get to work after I get done here. I'm not sure how long they will want to keep me. It will probably be a while since I drove myself. They seem to have a problem with giving people mind-numbing drugs and letting them drive themselves home. I guess that is understandable.
It's nearly 7 am. Wish me luck.
--sektie's sidekick
I'm good at falling prey to commercialism hell. Last night I dreamed I was shopping with all of my friends, and I kept throwing $300-$500 dresses and shirts into the cart. Then I found the most adorable pair of Guess strappy 4" heels that looked like they'd fall apart if anyone even tried to use them. They were absolutely perfect. I woke up feeling fat and grumpy. I hate dreaming about shopping.
The weekend is halfway over, since I've got Monday off. I caught up on my sleep last night, although I had to move to the couch because the bed was hurting my back. I sat next to the bed before I moved and watched him sleep for a while, playing back the weekend in my head.
Friday started out shaky. He was supposed to pick me up from work, but he fell asleep on my couch instead. I was a bit angry, but I got a ride home from work so all was not lost. I calmed down fairly quickly. He was really tired, and it was hard to stay mad. My new books had come in the mail - Carrie's Story and it's sequel, Safe Word. Interesting reading, and I really like the writing style the author uses. Even M. Started reading them, but I told him he had to read Story of O first. These books remind of Exit to Eden, although I'd say the writing is a bit darker. It isn't a love story, it's a sex story.
We left the house and headed towards Duluth, where we were going to meet N. and his girlfriend. I played with my new Sidekick II as M. navigated around the traffic on I-285. We picked up some rolls when we arrived, since I had only 1 left after doing a couple with the ex-boyfriend, E. We went out for sushi with them afterwards at the usual spot, Wasabi. I was starving since I hadn't ate anything in over 24 hours, so I ate more rainbow roll than I probably should have. It was fairly late at that point, so M. and I drove back home and popped some rolls along the way. Unlike the time I did them with E., these kicked in almost immediately. M. kept wanting to talk to me about things, but I was off in my own world. I didn't want to be bothered. Something in these pills just wasn't treating me well, and I wasn't in the right spot to be all touchy-feely emotionally. M. said he understood, but I could tell he was disappointed. We cuddled most of the night, then fell asleep at 6:30 AM.
I woke up first and glanced at the clock - 1 PM. I think I closed my eyes again. Maybe I just pretended to sleep. I didn't want to give up the peace I'd found in his arms. He woke up at 3 PM, and we both fell onto the couch, too tired to do much other than watch TV. I was tired, but happy. So was he. We were supposed to go to eleven50 that night to see Deep Dish, but he didn't have enough time to get his ID, so I said it was fine, I wouldn't go. Instead we went to the grocery store and picked up some steak, potatoes, green beans, and an apple pie. We went home and made dinner together, and it was yummy. It was perfect, working next to him in the kitchen, trading little kisses when we passed each other. I was content, a feeling I'm not all that familiar with. It was the best dinner I'd ever had. We ate on the floor of my room, watching TV and reading. We read most of the night, until both of us fell asleep. When I woke up an hour later, I had been sleeping on the floor and he was snoring on the couch. I woke him up and we moved to the bed. He pulled me close and held me most of the night, until I had to move to the couch because of my back.
He woke up this morning before I did, and he took a shower and got ready. He woke me up with a kiss, letting me know he'd be back later. I smiled, touched his face, and fell back asleep. It's been a good weekend. I wish it could last forever.
Sidekicks own. I can now blog while I'm driving to work. Well, not while I am driving, but while Herm is. Hello, Atlanta traffic.
--sektie's sidekick
It's valentines day, and your card still isn't there. Ok, so I had like 30 cards I had to mail out, or something, and they are all right here. I don't have a bloody car, and Herm managed to hit something with his, so I was unable to mail stuff all weekend. I'm sending it all out today though during my lunch break, so you will all get your v-day cards complete with kissy face stickers just a few days late. :)
The plan was that he'd come over Friday after work. We both needed to figure out what was going to happen. Was our relationship over? I had been hiding at my desk at work all day. I didn't want anyone to see the telltale signs I'd been crying. We had been trying to talk over AIM all day, but he was busy at work training people. They are working him to the bone since he's leaving. I couldn't blame him for it, we just talked when we could. It wasn't enough.
His roommate called him. His NFP had a meeting that night. He told his roommate that he wasn't going to be able to make it. We had some things we needed to settle. His two best friends blew up at him. He'd been missing so many meetings lately, and all due to his relationship with me. I didn't want to be "that girl". I didn't want his friends to think I was so controlling, that I had to keep him all to myself, all of the time. He was torn, and he asked me what to do. I told him the only thing I could. "Things may not work out with us," I typed. "If we don't work out and you miss this meeting, then you have nothing. They will kick you out. I can't let you risk losing that. Go. I'll wait for you." He was so grateful that I told him to go, it was like a slap in the face. Was I that girl that I loathed? The possessive, evil witch?
I didn't want to be alone when I got home. I knew he wasn't going to make it over until at least midnight, so I called C, my ex-husband. Being around him is comforting. He's one of the best guy friends I have. I asked him to come over because I needed that distraction. I knew M would be cool with it. He likes C a lot. It's such an odd situation I have. When I think about it, I realize how very lucky I am to have both of them in my life, regardless of any problems M and I might currently be facing.
C agreed to come over, much to my relief. I ordered us some pizza, and he brought a DVD. We sat around and talked about nothing and everything. It was good for both of us. As he was leaving, he said we should do this more often, and I agreed. I'm one of the only people he has here, and he's one of the only people I let myself count on here. We know each other well enough that it's a comfort. There's no struggle for conversation. It's an easy friendship, which is something that I usually don't find that much.
An hour after C left, M showed up. We didn't talk much; it was too late. We laid down in bed and held each other all night. Usually we go to sleep like that, but some time later, we move apart, each of us to our own sides of the bed. Not last night. I woke up a few times to find myself still in his arms, him still in mine. Neither of us wanted to let go. It was like both of us were scared that it was our last night together. I woke up in the morning, pulled snug with my back against his chest, his arms circling me. It was the best feeling in the world. I laid there like that for an hour until he woke up. Neither of us wanted to get up, because we knew if we did, we'd have to start talking. Forced smiles, a silent agreement to put it off a bit longer, we both got up and took a shower. For a minute, it was like everything was alright. It couldn't last.
We finally started talking. He told me about all the things he'd given up for me. He said it felt like his life had been on pause. He'd been unhappy. I hadn't seen it. I felt like a horrible person. I started shaking, and walked across the room to where I kept his class ring. I remember when he gave it to me. It is kind of silly, but I was so touched. I loved having it. Every time I looked at it, it made me smile. I wore it around my neck sometimes, just as a reminder of him. I snatched it up and walked back to him. He looked up at me, and I dropped it into his hand. "I'm sorry," I said. "I didn't mean to ruin your life."
The tears were already running down my face, and I could feel the sob about to erupt. I ran for the bathroom. I didn't want him to see me like that. I wanted to cry without being looked at and pitied. He stood outside the bathroom door, pleading to be let in as I sat on the floor and tried to regain my composure. Everything I touched, I hurt. First C, now him. I was unable to have a relationship with someone without destroying some part of them.
He held me, but I couldn't move. I felt frozen. I started to feel sick. Finally, I was able to move again. I sat down on the couch with him and we tried to resume talking. I kept feeling like I was about to throw up. My stomach was in knots, my head felt like a bowling ball on my neck. I couldn't think. Every time I tried to speak, I felt the bile rising in my throat. I asked him if he could just hold me for a while so I could calm down. He agreed, seeing how sick I looked. I fell asleep with my head in his lap as we watched Ever After on TV. I woke up a few hours later still feeling ill. We avoided talking about anything serious, but I suddenly felt it. I ran towards the bathroom and everything came up. It wasn't pretty, but I felt a lot better. My head still hurt, but at least now I could take some Excedrine to help it. I walked back into the bedroom, and he pushed my hair away from my face, asking if I was OK. I smiled, and said yes. I took some pills and laid down and took a short nap, waking up feeling like myself again. I could think and talk again.
It was clear neither of us really wanted to end it. I don't know if we're going to be able to resolve this. It's obvious we've got other problems, and they all came out today during our conversations. Both of us want to try to repair what we have. Most of our relationship has been difficult on both of us. We may not be able to pick up the pieces, but neither of us can imagine life without each other. Can love be enough to make a relationship work? I don't think so, but it might be enough to prompt us to change parts of ourselves that we wouldn't compromise otherwise.
We're still in love, we're still together, but everything is different.
I checked out the freebsdgirl.com stats, today. I was expecting to see a large fall in the number of visitors. My posts previous to switching to the blogger format had been sporadic and somewhat lacking of content. Imagine my surprise to see that most of my readers were still here - and brought new readers with them! Oddly enough, I've got some hosts in my 'top hitters' that made me giggle - like a well known pornographic magazine, and a fairly well known security/software company (I'm not referring to ISS, although they are still one of my main hitters as well). Yes, I was a little tickled at that.
I know the recent posts are a bit different from what you're used to seeing from me. I'm trying to have some fun with the blog. I love writing, although I still consider myself only mediocre at it. Someday, I might want to write a book. Having a blog is like aerobics for my writing muscles. I've been considering also writing more about the technical work I'm doing, instead of keeping it strictly in a novel-like format. I'd love to hear as many opinions as I can on what you think of the change, or even just your opinion on my writing in general. Criticism is always welcome, just keep it mature.
Due to the content of some of the posts, I do have to have somewhat of a disclaimer, as you can see at the right of the page. I won't draw the line between fact or fiction. I have to state this more to protect the people I write about in my posts more than I do for myself. I'm lucky enough to be in a position now to where my blog wouldn't affect my job. It's a problem a lot of people have been having lately, from Google to Friendster to even Delta employees. It's a valid concern for corporations to have. I have even been reprimanded for my blog when I worked at Interland, although I wasn't fired for it.
I started neutering my posts more and more, very mindful of the fact that my boyfriend still worked for ISS, and they tend to keep tabs of my blog. The reason for the change? It stopped being fun. Well, that, and he put in his two weeks notice last week. He'll be going to work for another company soon. I don't know much about them yet, but you can be certain I'll keep an eye out for them in my access logs. :)
I wake up with a smile on my face, next to the boy I love. My bedroom is large, with hardwood floors, light colors, big windows, and a ceiling fan that is circling lazily. There's a slight breeze coming through the open window. It's still dark outside. The rest of the house is asleep, but they will be awake soon.
I get out of bed, careful not to wake him up. I put on my favorite robe and walk to the kitchen. It's not perfectly clean, but it's tidy. It's lived in, and you can tell the family spends time in here. There's childrens drawings held on the refrigerator with magnets. Some daisies lazily lean towards the window, where the first rays of light are beginning to hit.
I start a pot of coffee and begin making breakfast. I can hear everyone else starting to wake up. A door just opened, the shower starts. Breakfast is almost done. The smell fills the room. I put it on the table, and start making lunch for the kids to take to school.
I'm putting the brown paper bags on the end of the counter when I feel his arms slide around me. He's awake, and just got out of the shower. I'm happy. I smile at him, we kiss, and the kids, a boy and a girl, run into the kitchen and start attacking the breakfast waiting for them on the table. We all sit down to eat together. The kids hurry to eat in the way that all children do.
The schoolbus comes. I give each of them a hug and kiss and send them to school. There's a rare moment of peace in the house, and we enjoy it while we can. He has to leave to go to work. I remind him not to forget anything, I kiss him, and he's gone.
I clean up the kitchen and water my houseplants. I take a shower and get ready for the day. I log on to the computer and go over any bills that need to be paid. I inspect our pantry and go to the grocery store and buy things we need, and maybe a few things that we don't. By now, it's lunch. I go to the coffee shop and have lunch with a few of my friends. Our kids play together on the weekends. We're a close group. I drive to the gym and kill myself with cardio. I hurry home to get there in time for the school bus.
The kids arrive at home. I bring them an after school snack, and we all sit down in the living room and work on their homework. I work on a blanket I'm knitting and help them when they have questions. It takes a while, but after they finish it, they run off to play.
There's about an hour before he's home. I vacuum the carpets, pick up toys the kids have left laying around, and clean the dining room table. I start fixing dinner. It's his favorite. He's home now; I hear the kids yelling his name. He's giving them a bear hug. He's tired from work, but happy.
We all sit down for dinner together. I ask him about his day, and the kids talk about school. After dinner, we may go out to the movies if it's a friday night, or we might play chess or watch TV. It varies. We both read stories to the kids, and they go to sleep.
We have the house to ourselves. A rare moment of silence passes. We spend the evening cuddling and talking quietly, or maybe we sit in silence, just enjoying each others company. I fall asleep in his arms with a smile on my face.
It started while we were both at work. I sent him an Instant Message.
randi: I want a baby.
Mike: What?
randi: I want a baby.
Mike: Um.
It wasn't a random thought or whim. It was something I'd been considering for a while. Finally getting it out in the open made it more real. It went downhill from there. He didn't want to have this conversation without being face to face, so we both met at my house after work. We sat on opposite ends of the couch, avoiding each others eyes by staring at the dog.
The conversation started slow, then gained momentum with accusations that were thrown in an attempt to throw the focus away from what we both knew the problem was. He said he loved me, but he didn't understand how we could love each other so much and argue the way we do. I said I've never known a love where arguing wasn't a part of it, and arguments aren't inclusive of love, anyways. I told him I loved him more than I've ever loved anyone. I meant it more than he knew.
We stepped around the main problem carefully, but in the end we kept returning to the same conclusion - or rather, lack of a conclusion. I told him I wanted a family. I wanted the house, the kids, the whole nine yards. I told him I didn't think I had wanted this the first time we talked about it so many months ago, but he talked me into it, and now I genuinely craved it for my own. He said he wanted the same thing, but not yet. He wouldn't want it for a very long time. I told him I'd been settling for what he wanted for a while, and it had been making me progressively unhappier as time went on. He said he knew. He asked what we should do, and I said we should break up. We both cried and cuddled together as we watched a movie, avoiding the scene we both dreaded. We were grasping for another solution, but to no avail. I fell asleep with his arms around me.
When we woke up this morning, he pretended like last night never happened. He kissed me when he left to go to work. He asked me if I wanted to go to lunch with him, but I pretended I couldn't hear him. I still felt like I was dying. I'd never felt my heart break like that, before. I could only wonder if his was breaking too. I fell down on the bed and hugged the pillow he had slept on. It smelled like him. I heard the front door close, and I knew Herm was waiting to go to work. I got up, and progressed with life as usual. Life isn't usual when you're lacking a heart.
I felt carnivorous last night. I wanted to get laid, but since that wasn't an option (evil bleeding vagina), I settled for steak.
We drove to the grocery store, the usual banter of careless insults slowly drawing me out of my depression. When we got out, I grabbed his hand. I needed the human contact. I think I told him I loved him. I can't remember now, but it doesn't really matter. He knows.
A few minutes after we walked in, the smell of food was making me feel sick. Why was I feeling so sick lately? I haven't been able to eat much, not that it matters. If I even did so much as think about food, I'd gain a few pounds. We hurried out, grabbing some fruit, steak, and a lot of Ben & Jerry's. It was on sale. If I was going to be fat, I might as well enjoy it. I'd celebrate living another day by eating some ice cream. Sounds like a plan.
When we walked back into my house, it was apparent RJ had been at it again. I couldn't figure out why she'd destroyed another book and a pair of pajamas. This time it was the purple strappy top with the matching shorts. Was she angry at me? We were only gone 15 minutes. When I was picking up the shorts, I found a chewed up plastic card underneath them.
I stood up to examine it. Dumbfounded, I said to the boy standing next to me, "I think this was the insurance card I used to cut my lines with." We looked at each other and started laughing. RJ sat in the corner, staring at us with a coke-induced paranoid look on her face. I'm sure there wasn't much left on the card when she found it, probably just the residue. For a dog, it was enough to get messed up on. I think my dog started going through withdraws late last night. She was growling at her shadow. It makes me wonder what my house will look like tonight when I get home this evening.
FreeBSD is looking to denounce the beastie as a logo. Protest here.
I woke up this morning feeling like I'd been run over. As I stumbled into the bathroom for my morning shower, I accidentally caught a glance of myself in the mirror through my mostly closed eyes, still not used to the light. I looked as horrible as I felt. My eyes were puffy, my hair was in disarray, and I suddenly had a fairly good idea of what I was going to look like if I ever hit 40. That's a depressing thought to be confronted with before my morning Red Bull.
Oh, and what's this? My period started today. That explains a lot. I could already see my knees beginning to swell, and I could feel my head starting to ache. As soon as I dried off, I preemptively attacked the medicine cabinet, raping it of it's midol, excedrine migraine, flexeril, and hydrocodone.
When I walked back into my room to figure out what fat-clothes I should wear today (this time of the month is never a good time to wear the Abercrombie jeans I had planned out the night before as I tend to bloat up like the goodyear blimp), my dog cowered in the corner, begging for even a little bit of attention. I couldn't decide if I should laugh at her for being such an attention whore, or still be angry at the mess I had come home to the night before. As I remembered the poop, the ripped up books (including the one I was just starting to read), the destroyed Xbox game, the chewed up pajama pants (my favorite, the Old Navy angel print I'd had for 5 years), anger won out.
10 minutes left until Herm was ready to go. That's rare, usually he's waiting on me. I sat down on the couch and contemplated my laptop. No email. I suppose that's good. I wasn't in the mood to talk to anyone. I got up to feed RJ, knowing she was just going to shit everywhere the second I left. I took her for a short walk outside, hoping that maybe, just maybe, she'd be nice to me on today of all days and do her business outside. No luck.
5 minutes left. I packed my laptop and stared at my Icy Hot. I knew I was going to smell horrible afterwords, but I slathered it on my knees anyways. They were already starting to ache, and it was going to be at least another 20 minutes before the pills kicked in. My cell phone rang. It's the boyfriend. Angry at RJ, angry at my knees, angry at my back, angry at the world, angry at my decision to stop smoking today, and especially angry at him, I decided not to answer. It wouldn't be good for either of us if we had a conversation right now.
I shouldered my backpack (Jesus, my laptop weighs a ton. Dell Inspiron 9100's are hardly a laptop. They are more of a 'desktop replacement') and walked out the door. When I climbed into the Explorer, I apologized to Herm for making his car smell like a geriatric ward.
We got on I-75 and faced the morning traffic. It had been raining out all morning, so it was worse than normal. I'd never wanted a cigarette more than I had wanted one at that moment. I didn't give in, despite Herm's offer of a Malboro Light (which is practically like smoking paper. Do they even have nicotine in them?). Today is going to be hell. I can feel it. Depression is not understanding how people can be happy by default.
Herm was kind enough to let me borrow his Explorer while he and Paul (coworkers of mine) were in Denver packing up servers, but in return I had to retrieve him from the Marta station after their flight arrived. Not a big deal, and a fair trade in my estimation - but I forgot to factor in Atlanta traffic.
Their flight was supposedly to arrive at 4:00 PM, but the Atlanta airport has been having a bit of a problem keeping flights on schedule lately. The flight got in at 5:10 PM, so I set out for my trek to the Marta station at 5:30.
It's only a few miles away. How hard could it be?
If it was my car, I may have felt a bit different, but I was trying to baby Herm's Explorer, and the last thing I needed was to put any dents in it - or get pulled over for aggressive driving, being as how my license is still suspended. Rush hour traffic, 14th street exit. It was raining out, but pedestrians were still running out in the middle of traffic. (Who the hell walks down 14th street, anyways? Especially in a bright orange poncho. Now imagine 10-20 people in bright orange ponchos. It's an army of fluorescent idiots.)
I made Herm drive us back to the office.
I still haven't had a chance to eat anything today due to the airport fiasco as well as the doctors appointment earlier this morning, and I was expecting to spend some nice cuddle time with the boyfriend, but it looks like that isn't going to happen. He's too busy, once again. Did he bother to mention this to me earlier today? Of course not, and now he's mad that I'm mad. In times like these, I crave comfort foods. I would kill for an empanada. The fat girl inside me is screaming to be fed.
Hopefully soon, I'll be able to go home to a boyfriendless-house, scream at RJ-45 who doubtless has pooped on my carpet in at least 2 places, and eat a microwavable pizza while I curse myself for each unnecessary calorie I consume. Someday I will learn how to live off vodka and cigarettes. Until that day, thank god for microwaves.
I used to love Map Blast, back before it was bought out. But it looks like we have a new map site that actually doesn't send you to Duluth if you put in my address in Marietta. Word to google maps.
I have the sequel to The Neverending Story. How ironic.
The MRI results came back today. A nurse called me to talk about them. She said I have 'minor degenerative disc damage and minor arthritis of the spine'. Minor? I had hoped they would find something that would explain all the pain I'm in. I just wanted to have some closure. I wanted to know if there was something I could do to fix this living hell, or if I just had to learn to deal and live with it. They still don't know. I want to scream. I would have been happier if I had found out I had major degenerative disc damage. At least then I'd know I could get it fixed. I'd know what was wrong. I could do something. Now what? More tests? I really want to cry, but I can't.
Valentines Day is coming soon. :)
If you're lonely this year and you want some love, email me your info and I'll send you your very own valentines day card, signed by teh freebsdgirl. Frame it. Sell it. Rub it against your nipples. Spread the love!
Edit: This is snail mail. Not email. Every card is handsigned and stamped and sent from the lovely Atlanta, GA. So don't give me your email address. I'm not good at sending email, anyways.
