Is there a word that is used to describe a mathematical law/rule that is the opposite of another one? andy capp needs to know. :)
January 2005 Archives
I think he's dead. I'm more scared than I'd like to admit. I try not to think about it that much. When I do, I freeze up. My heart stops beating, just for a moment. The uncertainty is the worst part. I'm starting to fear the worst. I think he killed himself. How could he do that to himself? How could he do that to us? Were things really all that bad? I feel guilty. I should have been there more. He kept looking for me online, but I was too busy to talk all that much. Maybe if I had been there for him to talk to, this wouldn't have happened. His cell phone has been turned off for a few weeks now. When Leslie died, that was one thing. She wasn't that close of a friend. I didn't talk to her all that much, so it was easy to be disconnected. She didn't kill herself. She was murdered. I don't know what to about this. I really cared for him a lot. He was a good friend. Why did he do this?
I just got out of a (thankfully) very short meeting. I hate the guy that scheduled the meeting, as is apparent by my meeting notes:
asshat asshat asshat asshat asshat asshat
YOUR UPPER LIP IS GOING INTO HIDING. USE CHAP STICK.
shouldn't schedule 9 am meetings. i don't shift into my sunny disposition until at least noon.
ship-ing IS NOT A WORD. there is no need to speak with hyphens.
i want to scrape off your face with a spoon.
note to self: find picture of monkey that resembles him.
"GET MCI ON THE PROD-JECT PLAN" - idiot.
eyebrows are roughly each the size of his mustache. It's like a little forest on his face.
Monday log:
woke up confused. why am I not at work?
drank yogurt breakfast drink. tastes too sweet.
ran cvsup and checked my rsync progress on eyecandy. 80GB of crap to transfer off freebsdgirl. fun fun.
walked rj-45.
did laundry.
cleaned room.
did more laundry.
walked rj again
did more laundry. laundry will never be done. it is my hell.
sorted some mp3's
did more laundry.
bedroom carpet smells like dog. ew. cleaned carpet.
did yoga.
did more laundry.
went to bradleys with mike. got drunk. hung out with drunk chick that kept saying i look like angelina jolie. Ok, no more booze for you, little girl.
went home. got no unf, because mike had to leave.
passed out drunk.
woke up 30 minutes later to rj nudging my leg.
walked dog.
passed out drunk again.
woke up an hour later, mike calling. yelled at mike. do not wake me up.
couldn't pass out again. wandered around house. laid down on couch. no good. laid down on bed. no good. tried floor. still smells funny. goddamnit.
talked on irc.
did more laundry.
took pain pills. i hate my spine.
tossed and turned the remainder of the night.
So, how did ya'll spend your Monday?
I just woke up from a very odd dream where Andy, Matt (our waiter/bartender at Bradleys, the local bar), Lelon, and Michelle were all there. I think Andy and Matt may have been the same person, but it just kept alternating. They're both assholes anyways, being as how they joined forces to make me drink that jaeger back before NYE. ;)
Speaking of which, Matt had the gall to bring over 3 shots of Jaeger - on the house, of course. I wanted to smack him, but I think beating the workers at the bar might be bad for business. It turns out he put in his 2 weeks notice, and guess what? He's a networking geek. It is now my mission to find him a job. I'm so good at finding new jobs for myself, that this can't be all that hard. He's hella cute. It's a shame he doesn't know UNIX, or there's a girl I could hook him up with. He's a Windows guy though. Not that there's anything wrong with windows, <dodges the troll>. Some just prefer Men of the UNIX state of mind. Or something.
This new design really annoys me. I shall work on it tonight.
Google the President. I like this guy.
Mark, if you're reading this, let us know you are alive. Please. I care for you more than a little, and I just want to know you're still breathing. People care. I care. Email me, call me, do whatever you have to do. But find me.
In the market for a new webhosting company again. Any suggestions? Looking for dedicated hosting, FreeBSD 5.3, 1TB of transfer a month on a stable connection, and 10 IP's. Preferably at or under $100/month.
We should have test results this evening. I don't know if it'll tell us what is wrong with Alysa, but hopefully it will give us at least some clue as to what is going on. They don't know if there's brain damage or not. She had another episode, and her oxygen levels started dropping despite the fact that she appeared to be breathing ok, so she's back on the respirator. We're going to be leaving early this morning to see her. I can't even imagine how difficult this must be for Michelle. At least Alysa is still alive. John stays there all day, but Michelle can't do that because she needs to stay at home and rest. She's still recovering, and in a lot of pain. She finally cried tonight. I just put my arms around her and held her, because I didn't know what else to do. There's really nothing I can say to make things better. I just try to be there for her. I'm with her constantly. This evening we sat in bed together and watched South Park while I crocheted. We talked about Alysa. The worst thing is not knowing. Not knowing what caused it, not knowing if she's going to get better, not knowing how to fix it. I've never hurt so much for any other person in my life. She's my sister. I didn't even really realize what that meant until now. Cross your fingers for her. She needs all the luck she can get right now.
(10:37) <@anonymous> yeah you are starting to scare me now.. i think its cause you are with your sister.. in fuckin il
(10:37) <@anonymous> where there is nothing else to think about.. besides families
(10:37) <@anonymous> come to atlanta.. we have drugs
(10:37) <@anonymous> we'll get you out of that thinking
Michelle and John let me sleep in this morning, since I really haven't slept well all week. This is the best sleep I've had in a while. I woke up and wandered around their new house for a bit, looking at knick-knacks and remembering pieces of our youth. I keep feeling like I'm on the urge of crying. I don't understand why. I think I always felt like I was a step ahead. I managed to get out of this place. Looking at her life though - she's ahead of me. I wonder if she knows how great she has it. I don't envy her, I'm not jealous. I'm proud of her. I miss her dearly. She was my best friend growing up and continues to be now, despite the 600 miles seperating us.
I'm thinking about moving back. Perhaps not permanently, but for a few years. I'd have to find a job out here, but it's only half an hour away from St. Louis. Surely there are computer jobs out there. I'd hate to leave my current job. I love it there. I'd only leave if I was absolutely certain of what I was doing and where I was going. Mike isn't too thrilled about the idea of moving out here, which is understandable. It's practically in the middle of nowhere. The cost of living is so low, though. Michelle bought her house for about 1/4 of what it would be in Atlanta. They don't have the shops out here, so I'd be forced to restrict my spending. No Bloomingdales, no Sephora. I think it might be good for me. And I'd be here to help Michelle with her baby.
Thinking about all of this really makes me want to do the grownup thing. Stop buying stuff. Start fixing my credit. Get a car, a house. Talking about all of this is probably freaking Mike out, but at least my views on some things that are very important to him are changing. When I was in the hospital with Michelle, I saw all the evidence of the people that love her, the family that she has, and it made me ache. She has this huge family, and they all live in the same area, and they are all very close. Mike has a similar situation, sort of. His parents and sister live in Duluth, although the rest of the family is in Boston. His family is important to him. The only close family I have is Nathan and Chad. Chad may be an ex-husband (or soon-to-be-ex-husband), but I'll always consider him family. We're good friends still. My dad is close, but he's a bit psychotic and we just can't seem to be in the same room without butting heads.
Sometimes I just wish I had a normal life.
Much thanks to adam, Vratha, Mike, and everyone else that helped me get out here. I'm in the hospital right now with Michelle. She's doing a lot better, and the baby stopped having seizures and was taken off the respirator. She appears to be doing fine, but they are going to keep her in observation. Her name is Alysa. So cute. :) I can't wait to see her. I managed to 'acquire' access to the wireless network here, and we're about to watch Boondock Saints. It's so strange being back here. It snowed. It's been so long since I've seen snow.
Ok, because I'm tired of repeating myself over AIM, IRC, and IRL.
I am sending out an SOS to anyone that could provide goods/services in helping with a situation.
My sister, Michelle, just had her baby yesterday. I did not know about this until 2 PM today. Michelle isn't really my sister, but my ex-step-sister, and one of the closest things to family that I have besides Nathan. She's been my best friend since I met her. I love her to death and would do anything for her. She lives in Alton, IL, the same area I used to live in. That's about a 9 hour drive from here, not that it matters, since I have no car. I called her today at lunch because I hadn't heard from her in a week, and she dropped this news to me. She is in the hospital, in pain, and groggy as hell. It turns out they had to induce because she went past her due date (Jan 1st). She was in labor for a really long time (more than 12 hours). At the end, they had to do an emergency c-section because the baby was head up and her pulse was dropping. From what Michelle is telling me, it doesn't sound like they had given her adequate pain medication for this. She's usually not a whiner, so I'm inclined to believe her. The baby seemed ok, she was acting normal, but then this morning she started having seizures and brief bouts of apnea (apnea is where she stops breathing).
So now I've got to get to IL. My boss is so completely awesome, he cleared me to take off pretty much as much time as I need. I'm probably going to take 2-3 days off next week. I've got a ride from the STL airport to the hospital (thank you, Vratha!), and I may have airplane tickets taken care of. If anyone has frequent flier miles or a buddy pass available, let me know, because the help would be much appreciated. Any help you can give at all in this situation would be a great help to her and myself. People have been great so far. Unfortunately, I broke myself giving all of my money to Mike - I owed him for the help he was giving me before, and he's had a lot of emergencies come up lately. So yeah. Whoring out for goods/services on my blog. I can dig it.
(16:50) <Telonir> hmmm can find the firefox icon on my comp
(16:50) <CrtxReavr> icon?
(16:50) <CrtxReavr> WTF you think this is?
(16:50) <CrtxReavr> Windows?
(16:50) <sektie> HAHA
(16:50) <CrtxReavr> Create an icon.
(16:50) <Telonir> thaen wtf do you call it?
(16:50) <CrtxReavr> /usr/local/bin/firefox
(16:51) <sektie> i just choked i spit up my redbull :(
(16:51) <sektie> goddamnit
(16:51) <sektie> i just cleaned this hoodie.
Trillian 3.0 is out. The UI is a lot less clunky. I actually prefer it over the AOL AIM client now. Download and enjoy!
Court is finally over with. I think I have everything in line as far as all that jail crap went before. I should be able to go and reinstate my license whenever I find the time for it. I'm not even sure what the process is for that, but someone at the courthouse told me it wasn't fun.
I've been spending most of tonight cleaning the remnants of NYE weekend. My place got trashed. RJ45 is due to be over in a few hours (or less), so I've got to get it in a livable condition. Once again it strikes me that I have way too many clothes. My pile of laundry had turned into a mountain, so I'm trying to get most of that done tonight, as well. My back isn't too happy about that, but fuck you, spine. Who needs you, anyways?
I got a credit card this past weekend, as well. Hrm. Well, I'm better with plastic than I am with cash, which is the exact opposite of how most people are. This should be helpful. I'm finally starting to get my finances back together. I'm going to be giving Mike $900 next paycheck just so he can get caught up, which is going to make things really tight for me, but for once he's the one in the bad money situation and I'm in a position to help out. So much for getting that Sidekick II that I wanted.
I'm also going to start working up plans on what I'm going to do to this room. My roommate/landlord reimburses me for all the work that I do, so I'm thinking of putting in a wet bac/mini kitchen. Hehe. wet bar++.
Mike has been talking about how he wants to get Tone and I over at Treesound to mess around. I've not really let anyone but Michelle and Mike hear me sing, with the exception of those times they made me sing while I was intoxicated. That doesn't really count. I'm sort of nervous about it. I don't think I'm nearly as good as Mike seems to think I am. Maybe he just wants to think I'm good because I'm his girlfriend or something. I don't want to put myself up for a letdown, you know? I've got stage fright, and I'm not even on stage. Bet you never thought you'd see me being shy.
I had a lot of fun this past weekend with Don and Andy. Andy did nothing but bitch in his blog, pfft, see if I invite him back. Wanker. :)
<spike723> dunno what practical application means :)
This is probably only funny if you know spike. Oh well. It made me laugh.
Last night, I passed out in front of Mike. Like, my head hit the floor *again*. He took me downstairs to my room and I started hallucinating, seeing old coworkers, saying they stole my blankets, etc. I wouldn't let them take me to the hospital because I swore up and down that it was snowing outside and I didn't want to go out in the cold. Finally I got into a lucid enough state to realize that I needed to go, so we left for the hospital around 3AM. North had to stay here because there wasn't enough room in the truck. We waited for about an hour at the hospital, which mostly consisted of me spasming and suppressing screaming. Yeah, fun stuff. They put us in a room and hooked me up to an IV of some crazy shit. The second it started hitting me, my legs went numb. We stayed there for 3 or 4 hours, then they sent me home. Just nerve damage or something, apparently. They gave us a reference to another doctor. I still feel like shit, and I had an allergic reaction to whatever medication they gave me, so they also gave me a shot of benedryl. My eyes are slightly swollen, my back STILL hurts, but at least I'm not complaining about the frog that stole my blankets anymore. The thing that bothers me the most is that this happened while Don and Andy were here. It's never been this bad before. I'm worried.
Too much partying the night before, so I lacked on the partying tonight. Still had a great time - totally made up for the shitty Christmas. Sitting on the couch now with north watching Blue Crush. It's the only movie we could agree on. The party at Mike's was pretty small, which was a little disappointing, but it was probably for the best. We sat around, partied, and talked geek. Bunch of dumb whores there, Mike and Jason really need to find better female company. Hope ya'll had a holiday as good as mine. Andy, on the other hand, bitched that all of his new years suck. That boy never stops bitching. It was nice hanging out with my people instead of Mikes, for a change. Nick came by with Rose (another dumb whore). I was not pleased. She looked like a huge walking pumpkin in the bright orange hoodie she was wearing. I know that isn't that nice of a thing to say, but she's not a nice person, so I don't feel that bad about it. Nick's only hanging out with her to get a piece of ass, anyways. He's a cute boy, he could do a lot better.
RJ45 is coming to live with me starting this week. I'm so happy! I'm paying extra money, but my roommate agreed to let me have her here, so I have my puppy back. She's shaved from neck to tail because of a skin problem she was having, so she looks really funny. I'll take pics later. She's usually such a furball.
Ciao!
