As promised, the Halloween story.

At the risk of another "told you I was hardcore" type joke, here's my pill menu for tonight:

2 x Baclofen @ 10mg/each
1 x Robaxin @ 750mg/each
1 x Zanaflex @ 4mg/each
1 x Flexeril @ 10mg/each
1 x Toradol @ 10mg/each

I just took all of these at once. The next hour should be fairly interesting. My back should be going numb soon. Seems like a good idea to get on with the story while I can still type.

The fun was Saturday night, but a bit of background:

Friday - got off work in the morning, proceeded to do things. I never managed to get any sleep that day. I went shopping at Bloomingdales and got a gorgeous dress reminiscent of the red dress in Resident Evil, except it was black and just a little longer. I got some matching black leather knee-high boots, and it was to die for. After the people at Chanel got done with my makeup, I was feeling pretty good about how I looked. I went to work to pick up Mike after I realized I had no time to pick up Nathan for the work party - traffic was sucking, and it was getting late. I hung out there for about an hour, avoiding the rubber-band wars, and drank a beer. I felt a little out of place since a lot of people there were wearing costumes, so as I told Puster, "This is my Halloween costume. I'm dressed up like a girl". This got a few laughs out of the people that I saw on a regular basis, a lot of blank looks from everyone else. Keeping in mind that I hadn't slept for at least 24 hours - and this is without pills, too! - we drove over to Emory in Decatur to see Over The Top with Mike's parents, his sister, and his sister's boyfriend. It was a lot more entertaining than I thought it would be. Somehow I managed to stay awake until the end of the show, and then Mike drove us back to his place, where I promptly fell asleep. I thought I was going to have to work OT that night, but Kaylor took it for me (thanks Kaylor! you rock!)

The next day was a similar blur - ran around the mall, trying to get myself together. Chanel did my makeup again, although I wasn't too happy about the eyes. I met Mike over at Evolutions so both of us could get haircuts, and my hairstylist (also named Michael) used a straightener on my hair and fixed my eye makeup for me. I got my nails done while I was there. To celebrate, we went next door to the sports bar and did a few shots while watching the game (haha, FL sucks). The bartender was dressed up as a condom, I think. How odd.

We had to take care of a few miscellaneous things, like getting a costume for Mike before the party, so we went across the street to the costume shot. After deliberating over the fairly large selection of adult male costumes they had in stock, Mike decided to be - oh, I bet you saw this one coming - a bottle of Southern Comfort. How fitting.

I drove back to my place to meet him there, and I started putting on my costume. I love going to the renaissance festival, although I'm not one of the dorks that works there. Really, I just love any excuse to dress up in the corset, the big skirts, etc. I would dress like that every day if I could get away from it. What can I say? I'm old fashioned at heart.

After lacing up my corset properly to cut off my oxygen supply and make my boobs feel like they were about to explode, I laid down for a few minutes to catch my breath. Mike showed up, so I laced up my Nine West ribbon heels (not exactly historically accurate, but with a corset like that, who is going to be looking at my feet?) and ran out to the car.

The party was taking place at the neighbor of Mike's boss, Terry. Something you've got to understand about parties put on by coworkers - they are alcoholic to the extreme. I showed up giggling from a Red Bull, and I started right in on the vodka the second I stepped through the door. I'm fairly certain Terry was already trashed, although I was too busy trying to catch up to pay much attention.

Mike picked up some Red Bull and Kettle 1 for me. I hadn't ever had Red Bull and vodka before, although I'd heard it was yummy.

I now know better. Red Bull and Vodka is the devil. The spawn of satan.

The night is still pretty blurry. I'm starting to remember more and more of it. Here's some colorful highlights:

Terry running headfirst into a wooden gate. Apparently, the other drunks were having issues opening the gate to the fence (which is approximately 7' high, I'm guessing, flat wooden slats), and so Terry told them to move aside and ran right into it. I guess he didn't realize it opened to the inside.

Eric commenting on my chest. I didn't really think anyone would say anything outright, but I should have known better. Eric always speaks his mind. It led to a pretty big argument when I first started here, but I like him now. He's as loud and obnoxious as me, and that makes him cool. His wife was pretty interesting, too. She'd have to have a steel spine to put up with him (And Eric, I mean that in the nicest way possible.) :)

Terry going next door to give his wife's mom a hug. His wife was mortified. I don't think she wanted her mom to know they were drinking? Not sure what the problem was. Regardless, the look on her face when he said this was priceless.

Someone passing out at the party. I forgot who. He went to go vomit behind the trees and Tone ran over there and started jumping up and down and yelling and laughing. Tone rocks.

My odd moment of clarity. Occasionally the fog lifts, and I see something so bloody obvious, I want to slap myself. These moments often come when I'm under the influence of alcohol. This moment of clarity revealed: I'm a bitch. Not just when I'm drunk, but I'm a bitch in general, and mainly just to my boyfriend. Hm. I'm working on this now. Identify the problem, tackle it.

The ride home. Mother, coworkers, and anyone else that might be offended hearing about my sex life, stop reading here.

Although I didn't know this at the time, apparently I get really horny when I get drunk. I started making Mike a very happy man while he was driving us home (or so he tells me), but then I realized I had to pee. BAD. So I stop in the middle of everything and start whimpering/twitching/sniffling - it was horrible. This part I remember. I thought I was going to pee myself. We finally found a QT, and I bolted inside to the bathroom. I am very against using public restrooms, but this time I made an exception. I think I passed out as soon as we continued on the drive home. Mike did get laid though. I think. I don't really remember it that well. It's all really fuzzy at this point. I remember being dragged out to the truck because I couldn't walk very well, and I was giggling a lot, and then everything went blurry.

I haven't been that drunk in a really long time. Generally, even when I drink a lot of vodka, I can still walk around in 6" heels unassisted. These heels weren't even that high. I think even if I had been barefoot, I would have required help.

The good part is the next morning I wasn't even hung over. I had a slight migraine, but it was due to other circumstances, not the alcohol. I love being me.