May 2004 Archives
02:47.NgtFlyer: I found something funny 02:48.sektie: penis size? 02:49.dj-vapor: sektie, 49 centimeters? 02:49.sektie: you know you have a serious self esteem problem when you measure your penis in centimeters.
People ban me. It makes me smile. My blog brings love. :D
I bought a '97 Toyota Tacoma today. Car problems are now solved. Joy! I love my new Tacoma. I've never owned a truck before - only driven one a few times. I can't drive it the same way I drove my Talon, obviously. It handles fairly well considering, and it's also quite a bit faster than I thought it would be. Gas mileage isn't bad, either. I feel like such a country girl, driving my pickup truck. All I need now is a cowboy hat, a perm, and a twangy accent. Ya'll better fear.
Guilt attack over my attitude lately. I've not been treating Mike that well. I've been in a pretty bad mood this past week - just a bunch of bad things strung together to make me stress out. He actually asked me if he was doing anything wrong. Hah! I felt so horrible when he asked me that. With all the changes that have been happening lately, and all of the conflict I've been fighting to get out of, Mike is the only constant thing in my life. I trust him more than he could even possibly realize. He's been the center of my focus in the past few weeks, and I'm glad things are evening out. Both of us need a break from that, I think. He's kept me sane. I adore him for it. There's nothing more that I could ask for. He's better to me than I deserve. I'm going to make it up to him somehow.
Speaking of making stuff up to people, I've got a long list of debt I accrued, especially in the past few months. I want to do something nice for Chad, especially. He's been better to me than I ever could have asked for. I want to do something nice for him, something that would make him happy and give him a chance to relax. Does anyone have any ideas? I need to do something for my Dad, too. He's been helping me out financially while I got on my feet, and he provided the down payment for the Tacoma. First on the list is paying him back the money I owe him, but that's not enough. He's so stressed out because of work and possibly going on disability that he needs a vacation. I'd like to get him tickets on a cruise or something, but I don't think he could get time off work for that. He's always so busy. Maybe I could get a cleaning service to come and clean his house for him from top to bottom. He's such a neat freak, and after the disaster Chris made this weekend, I know that's wearing on his nerves. I've been lucky to be blessed with people that do so much for me when I know I don't deserve it. I haven't done anything for them to warrent these kind of favors. I want to try and be better, for them if not just for myself. I think I owe it to them, right?
I've been consuming a horrific amount of sugar lately. Mike's even commented on it. I'm thinking of not eating sugar at all for an entire week, just to see if I can do it. Jesus Christ. Wtf am I supposed to survive off of? Bread and water? I hate carrots.
Ok, apparently I really was fairly drunk Friday night. I really don't remember making a blog entry. Ah well. Friday night was a night of too much alcohol, lace up knee high 6" heel boots, and other stuff I probably shouldn't talk about in a public forum. Heh. Regardless, I had a lot of fun. Mike and I went out to Derby and I watched him play pool while trying to ignore all of the guys that were staring at me. I was sort of overdressed for there I guess, but it really creeped me out. I haven't had guys look at me like that for a while. It's the shoes. It had to have been. Some guy was all like "Who are you looking so sexy for?" while Mike was out buying cigs, and I said "uh, my boyfriend." and ran away to call Mike to tell him to get his ass back there. One of the girls I was sitting with was like "Do you know that guy?" and pointed at some scumbag sitting about 10 feet away. I had no idea who he was and told her as much, and she said "well, he's been staring at you for a while now." I didn't look directly at him, but he kept saying things under his breath along the lines of wanting to get with me or something. Ew. I look like horrid trash lately. I need a haircut, I need to stop eating so much sugar, and I was feeling fat as hell that night. Fuqn PMS. Being a girl is so inconvenient sometimes.
So a bunch of the people from development and X-Force are now reading my site. Fab. Mike gets a lot of shit about it, and I get to hear about it. Some idiot was like "I'd never date a girl with a blog" or something like that. Dude, whatever. Mike knew what he was getting into when he started seeing me. Not that I've had much time to update, anyways. It's difficult because I'm used to talking about work and stuff on here, and I'm not sure how much I'm allowed to talk about now. Most companies tend to frown upon employees discussing stuff that goes on at work on a public website.
Mike and I went and looked at a house on Friday. It's less than 2 miles from work! It's kind of old (built in the 50's or 60's), but it's pretty big and it has a huge fenced in back yard and lots of trees. The front yard has a nice garden and there's enough room in the carport & driveway to put both bikes and cars. I think he's starting to lean towards us moving in together, as well. We've only really talked about maybe doing it before, but the more we discuss the benefits of it, the better it sounds. Living that close to work would rock, as well. I'm getting so sick of the drive from Fayetteville, so I'm spending more and more time at Mike's house. It's not that I don't totally love Mike - I do. But spending so much time at his house is starting to get to me. It wouldn't be so bad if we were actually living together, but I just feel sort of out of place there because of all of his roommates.
Jason (Mike's roommate & best friend) is starting to warm up to me, I think. He seemed kind of standoffish before, but he actually says hi now. We've even had conversations. Most of them happened while I was intoxicated, but it's a start.
Chad got his RHCE. Congrats, Chad! He didn't sound all that confident when I talked to him the day before he took the test. He szid he thought it was going to be fairly difficult, but he ended up getting 100% correct. I'm so happy for him! He's been wanting to get started on his certifications for a while. I knew he'd do great. I just wish he'd have as much confidence in his abilities as I do.
Apparently someone's been asked to try to hack freebsdgirl. I know who it is, and I'm interested to see if he can. I don't really think he'll be able to, but mad props if he does. A bunch of people here have been asking to see my code, as well. I've been getting a lot of requests for that lately, and it makes me paranoid. I'm an OK coder, I suppose. I'm far better than I used to be. I look at showing people my code like showing people pictures of myself in a bikini. It just shouldn't be done. Ever. I hate looking at myself in a bikini. Hell, I don't even own one. That is just an image no one needs. I am too critical of myself to need to take on everyone elses criticisms as well. Maybe in a bit, when I'm happier with where I am and what I've done.
When I say 'maybe', I'm referring to my code. Not a bikini.
Ew.
just got back from pub. hella drunk. room spinning. mike is getting a puppy for us tomorrow. How sweet! Best evar. getting a puppy together. hm.
back to drinking. Have a nice weekend, folks.
<Cuchulain> it's like, talking about talking about it <Cuchulain> once you've started talking about talking about it, it's a downwards slope <Cuchulain> you start thinking about talking about talking about it <Cuchulain> and then eventually you talk about that some more <Cuchulain> and then you start thinking about talking about it all the time <Cuchulain> then eventually it just gets talked about <Cuchulain> then thought about a lot <Cuchulain> then it happens
And at work. Gah. I'm sobering up quickly. Maybe going to happy hour wasn't such a great idea.
Anyways, here's some pictures of how the ISS boys 'n girls kick it at American Pie.
I actually took a lot more pictures than this, but it was on my shitty cell phone camera, and most of them were too blurry. Most of the pictures feature Matt. It's his own damn fault for getting drunk, falling asleep, and then throwing up. Learn how to hold your liquor. :)
I'm hoping i can stay awake tonight. I totally forgot my adderall at home. Bloody hell.
I'll write more once I'm completely sober. Party on.
There's no intarweb at my house. Stop IM/email/calling me telling me to update. Seriously, I've gotten like 8 people asking me what's up. I'm busy!
I just got in to work about half an hour ago. I've got a few minutes before training starts, so I'm hiding at my desk and doing this quick update.
Mike laid his bike down. Badmike. He was going about 40mph up where he lives, and the car in front of him put on their brakes fairly quickly. He tried to use his front break, but it depressurized and went out. He ended up having to lay the bike down, and he skid a good 30-40 feet across the pavement. He's ok, just a few ugly looking scabby things on his knees, and one elbow is slightly beat up. I was at out bowling with a bunch of coworkers - company sponsored - and when he called me, I took off to go pick him up. As I was driving there, I called Michelle so I could calm down, and then she told me that she was pregnant. wtf? The world is conspiring against me. It wants to see my head explode.
Powerpoint presentations make me want to stab things. Seriously. If I go to one more freaking meeting with powerpoint presentations, my violent tendancies are going to come out. I get bored and start thinking up interesting ways on how to kill people. I was wearing some of those flight pants from old navy that have the dangly straps, and I was pondering ways to strangle myself with them. Hella gumbygirl.
I'm sitting at my desk at work, and I have nothing to do. I don't think I'm supposed to be here today. Oh well, I have no intarweb at home. I might as well sit here and read KBA's all day. We have bowling in a few hours, and that'll be a good way to meet all the non smokers.
So far, I absolutely love the company. It's a fantabulous place to work. There's a paintball thing happening on Sunday, but I won't be going because I fucked up my back again earlier this week. Sucks, but such is life.
Maybe someone will come over and give me something to do in a few minutes. I hope it isn't listen in on calls. I'd prefer doing that next week if at all possible. I've got new hire orientation on Monday, and that lasts all day. Then I've got to go to work on Monday night. Geez. They sure aren't much for letting me get some sleep around here.
There's a lot of pranksters that work here, as well. Something I've learned in my 2 weeks of working here is never leave your workstation unlocked. Hell, I locked mine and thought it was enough. Nope, some idiot booted me into single user mode. Well, that's fixed now. Heh. Just wait, guys. I'm not earning the title of "Princess of ISS" for nothing.
FOX weenies. I used to work just down the street from this sign, which was directly next to the CNN building. FOX was always ragging on CNN. Dudes. Just get over it. Both of ya'll suck for unbiased commentary.
The proposed sign would read: "Now That CNN's Ratings are Gone With the Wind, Our Work on This Board Is Done. We Love You Atlanta. Brought to you by your friends at FOX News Channel."Below that message would be a less-than-subtle pitch to the hundreds of CNN employees who file past the board every day.
"Sign Up with America's Newsroom! Forward resumes to resumes(at)foxnews.com."
Really, they just aren't letting you into the EU because you're the worst spammers in the world. How you treat your crazy people is just an excuse.
I say this with total respect, but haha, squids are such fags.
I'm on this odd Madonna kick now. I heard a club mix of one of her older songs coming home, and now I'm in search of more music. While I was singing along with the radio, I realized I really need to stop smoking. It's affecting my voice. Fuck it. I'm out of cigs and dead broke anyways.
C'mon ISS. Hurry up and pay me. :P
It's Mother's Day in just a few hours. I hate Mother's Day. Something bad always happens. I'm crossing my fingers that this year is better. A lot of other things are going so well, maybe there's a chance tomorrow won't suck. Chad is going to bring Nathan over around noon, and after Nathan has his nap, Mike and I are going to drive up to Mike's parents house. They still haven't met Nathan yet. It might be a bit early, but we've been dating for over 4 months now. They keep asking about Nathan, and I dunno, maybe I'll get cool points from them for having such a kickass kid. While Mike was a bit drunk last night, he mentioned his parents are a bit wary of me. Apparently they think I'm abusive or something. I guess maybe I am, but it's all play. Mike doesn't mind. Good lord, you should have seen the bruises on my arms. I was going to put up pics because I was that impressed, but Mike asked me not to. One time we were wrestling, and he had grabbed my wrists to hold me back. The next day my arms were black and blue all over. You only have to flick me to give me a huge bruise. Maybe I need more vitamins. I noticed some people at work giving me some funny looks when they saw it. "Uh...motorcycle fell over." I'd rather not have to explain.
Yum. Watermellon Dum Dum.
I'm pretty sick right now. My stomache hurts, my head feels all floaty, and I think my blood sugar is low. I just got back from dropping Mike off at his house. I hate living on the ass end of town. It's a 45 minute drive from here to there. I can't wait to move back up to the North side. Fayetteville is the suck.
Despite feeling like my head is about to roll right off my shoulders and disappear into nothingness, I'm pretty happy. Imagine living in a world where all you ever see is black and white. You get used to it, and eventually you forget there was ever anything else. You're content because you don't know any better. Then you meet someone who reminds you that the world isn't so monochrome. Everytime you spend time with them, you notice some new hue or shade in the world around you. Eventually there's no more black and white, and everything is colorful and beautiful. It's corny, I know, but that's how I've been feeling for the past few months.
Part of my whole problem during all of this is knowing what to do with myself. I've never felt this hardcore about someone before and had them feel the same way about me - at least not in a healthy situation. I didn't really know what to do about my feelings. I finally realized I didn't have to do anything about it. I could just sit back and enjoy him. Er, it. Enjoy it. heh.
Work has been going pretty well. I feel really lost right now, but I was told that's expected. There's a lot of products to learn, and they don't really have the best documentation for us. I want to learn more about the backend of Site Protector, like from the development aspect. I'm sure I'll catch on, I just wish I could bail out of training and go straight to work. That's the best way for me to learn. All the people I've met so far have been cool as hell. A lot of people there are into motorcycles and/or anime, so there's never really a lack of anything non-work-related to talk about. One thing I will say about ISS - they try to keep their employees happy. No one that works there has had anything bad to say about the company. I've only been there a week, but it seems like a totally awesome place to work.
It's been a long week. I haven't really had much time for updating because of the new job, and I've been spending most of my free time with Mike or reinstalling my laptop. So very tired. I'm heading down to Duluth tonight to go out with Mike and his parents. It's his dad's birthday. I should be updating at some point either late tonight or tomorrow morning with something a bit more substantial than 'I'm tired."
When is Apple going to start using Apache 2.x in OS X? Pain in the ass.
Edit: I just realized I called Mike by his IRC name for the first time ever on this blog. I also made 3 typos. Corrected all of that, but then realized that I sound extremely strung out. Usually I can put words in a slightly better order than this. I must be hella tired.
Damn the sun.
I'll be glad when I switch back to night shift in 1.5 weeks.
Work has been going pretty well so far. It's kind of boring because I'm just in training, but I've been hearing all about the perks of the job, and this is probably one of the coolest places I've ever worked at. Mike just got hired on as well. His background check should have been finished today, so he'll be doing the paperwork tomorrow.
The transmission in the car I was borrowing from Chad went out, so I had to get a rental car for this week. Iris is going to be selling me an old Jetta, and it'll get me by until I get my bike.
Word to teh YZF-R6.
I'm in a pretty pissy mood right now. I'm a little mad at Mike, but I'll get over it. I told James to fuck off. If he can't go to the effort to clear out some time to see me the only 2 chances I had to see him while he was here, then I think he's not worth it. Fuck him. Besides, Mike isn't all that happy about me going to see him, anyways, although he's trying to be supportive. The more I talk to James on the phone, the more I realize what an asshole he really is. Was he like this when I was with him? Was I just blind to it back then? Maybe I'm just used to a higher standard of boyfriend since I started seeing Mike. James is just an egotistical, deluded, self-centered dick.
Wow, I really am grumpy today. It's just because of the migraine. Pain always makes me impossible to deal with.
I need a vacation.
atla-engproxy1.iss.net
This makes me nervous.
What makes me even more nervous is:
[smut:/root]
[root]# grep iss.net /var/log/httpd/freebsdgirl.com-access.log | wc -l
829
Hmm. Guess I better watch what I say. Why is it that all my places of employment/former places of employment are some of the top hitters on my site? Geez. Interland and National Net are still both bringing in a lot of hits.
He called me up to tell me he loves me.
I think he's pretty tolerable, I suppose. ;)
God, he makes me so happy. I can't remember a time that I've smiled this much. Please don't let anything go wrong.
I really need to stop floating. Now that everything is falling into place, I think I'm starting to get ahead of myself - as usual.
I keep thinking about getting a house up on the north side, and I've been looking at furniture online for the past week. To make matters even worse, every time I see something that I like, I ask myself if I think Mike would like it or not. There is that possibility that we might be moving in together in September, and I think my imagination is starting to run wild with that. It would be nice though. Even though it looks like we're going to be working for the same company, it should work out ok, I think. We're going to be working completely different schedules, so I'd only get to see him 6PM-11PMish.
Maybe I shouldn't be thinking about this right now.
"It's that other guy, isn't it. I see the way you look at him."
"What, how do I look at him?"
"Like you just seen your first trans am."
For some reason, that has me laughing hysterically. Cute movie.
I wish the rest of the world could feel the way I've been feeling for the past week.
I just had sex with my boyfriend in the laundry room as to not disturb my dad. Then we snuck back into the living room very quietly, trying to make sure we didn't wake anyone up.
This is so not funny, it's laughable.
